So for the last few days I have been emailing with "P" again. There was a time where he seemed busy so I just put him to the side. But as is my usual pattern when I am feeling stressed I reach out to people. So I emailed him and asked him if he had fallen down and couldn't find his computer. He wrote back, again being short so I poked him. Told him that if he wanted to communicate with me I needed more of a conversation, give and take. I figured he was worth at least one more shot, it was that sexy smile he had. He apologized and wrote back again telling me he had been in a car accident (yes I felt horrible) and that he was OK but his truck didn't fair well. So then we exchanged a few more good emails and then the next day he sent me a link to google talk. So last night we chatted online and I enjoyed it immensely.
He does have a wonderful and witty sense of humor and some sexual appeal thrown in for good measure. We joked around and talked about our kids, the holidays that were coming up and just normal things. It felt good to have a connection with somebody who understood who I was. He told me about his experiences in bondage, submission, etc. got me a little excited!
There was a point when he talked about coming down to visit and said we needed to go to the toy store. My mind immediately goes to the sex toy shop. He knew what I was thinking and told me AGAIN that he didn't want a one night stand. He said I can get a blow job anywhere, I want a long term partner he said. Someone to grow with and explore life. God I wish he lived closer. He's right sex is easy to get, what I want is a relationship with someone I care for plus the ability to be submissive with him.
As much as I enjoy "R" and the way he makes me feel, "P" does all of that plus more. He has that warm side, the companionship side that "R" doesn't seem to have. I thought that finding a Dom/sub relationship would be easier but it seems that its just as complicated, you still have to be compatible for what I am looking for. So for now I am going to keep talking to both of them, its just like dating.
"P" followed up Friday nights chat with some emails and more chat on Saturday during his radio show. It was brief but it let me know he was thinking of me and that's important to me. I should mention that I haven't heard from "R" and I don't expect to while he is busy this weekend and that is why I know deep in my heart it will never work for us. I am not any type of priority for him.