I have learned a lot over the past few months, my views on life have changed and what I originally thought I wanted, well that has also changed.
When I originally decided to do this I thought I wanted a hard core Dom/Sub relationship and I have since figured out that it may just a little too much for me. "R" was really hard core and I enjoyed what he offered me at the time, it was exciting but I have to admit I was scared to think about the reality of what he expected. I know that I don't want someone who is a new "Dom", I know myself well enough to know that I do not want to top from the bottom. That would be just like all the other relationships I have been in.
I also know that being involved with "Sir" is a little overwhelming also, he is probably one step below "R" in intensity and not as scary (definately feel safer). Don't get me wrong I am enjoying myself immensly and look forward each time to being pushed a little more. I also feel overwhelming intensity each time I am with him or talking to him and it is draining, just thinking about being with someone like that full time is too much for me.
I thought I had to focus on just finding a Dom and everything else would fall into place but that's not how it works. Like everything else I do I have to go to the extreme to realize what works for me. The dom/sub relationship is like a recipe, there are basic ingredients for the dish but make a few changes and your dish comes out just little different from mine. I haven't found that right combination but it is still a work in progress and each time I find a new spice that tastes even better than the last.
Looking for this type of relationship is like regular dating and like the ice cream at Coldstone I am enjoying sampling all the flavors before I decide which one I want. That's the real joy of life, the experience.