I was reading over the emails we had exchanged and all the things he suggested that I change, I did. Each day I leave the house I am in full makeup, most days a skirt, no panties, heels no matter what, I added certain pieces of jewelry, nail/toe polish of his liking. I am constantly looking at other woman and men, flirting no matter where I am. Every little nugget of information he has suggested I think about all the time, even meeting him at the bar, when I walked in I saw him at the end but I saw the three men as I walked by. I noticed the girls behind the bar and even made it a point to engage one, I can't help myself its in my nature to please and he is the one who asked me to do so.
I even lost my way over the weekend and without even having ever met me, he punished me, guided me back and I followed it even not knowing if he thought I could please him, all because he said I needed it.
I feel like sometimes he can read my mind and knows exactly what I am feeling. Now after our meeting I feel lost and vulnerable, wondering if he thinks after meeting me if I am worth training or if I will never see him again.
My first instincts are to protect myself and push away from him (I tried) but I can't until he cuts me loose. I have always been the one in control of my relationships and now I am at the will of someone who has entrenched himself in my brain, my way of being. Never have I let myself be so vulnerable to someone.
I had a taste for the submissive life and I find myself wanting more.
Just thinking about wanting to please him makes me wet and throbbing.