I felt better last night after I emailed "R" to share with him that I missed not hearing from him. He responded today saying that he is sick, sounds like the flu. It's tough not being able to take care of him. I hope he gets better soon, I really do miss him.
Tonight I decided that I needed to email him before he read my posting, to let him know how I felt about not hearing from him. I wanted to be open and honest about the way I felt, knowing that in this type of relationship it is more important than in a vanilla union. In other relationships I would have just kept it to myself and let the worry consume me. I shared with him that I want to build up my trust in him so that when he feels I am ready to please him, I will emotionally be ready to submit unconditionally. I hope he understands where I am coming from.
I have felt a little lost these last two days without "R", so I just continued with the tasks he set for me. Doing this helped me stay focused and gave me a sense of purpose. This purpose is different from the regular everyday things I do, this is something I am doing to please "R". This weekend will be especially challenging for me, my children will be away and so will "R".
I didn't feel well today, my sinuses were acting up so I didn't go anywhere. When it came time to pick up my son, I showered and then I realized I needed to stop at the grocery store. So I blew dry my hair, which led to just lipstick, but then I needed eyeliner, mascara, powder and blush. I laughed because there was a time not to long ago where I wouldn't have thought twice about leaving the house un-done. Now I can't even go to the grocery store without full makeup, skirt and heels. The heels have replaced my sandals completely, the only time I go with out heels, skirt, makeup is when I drive my son to school and I know I am not getting out of the car. He won't kiss me if I have on lipstick.