Yesterday was the first day I didn't get to see "T", normally we see each other at least once a day if not twice. He needed to stay home with him boys and I respect that, because I feel the same way about my kids. This post has nothing to do with the kids but the fact that I missed seeing him. I missed lying next to him, touching him and being held by him. Logically I understand that we can't see each other every day but it doesn't stop me from missing him. Today was a tough day, something happened and I freaked out. Something that in the past I would deal with myself and not ask anybody for help. But when it happened my first instinct was to call "T", I knew he was at work and I knew there was a possibility that he wouldn't answer but at the time I was panicking so my brain wasn't working properly. I fixed the problem myself just like I would have before I met him.
After I calmed down I went about my business but I had that shaken feeling and it stayed with me all day. I knew it wasn't fair to blame him because this was something we hadn't spoken about, but I don't call him when he's at work unless there is an emergency or I am returning a call (text yes calling no). Just something that was instilled in me from past relationships and will be hard to break. So I let him know what happened and what I was thinking, he told me that I needed to call whenever I want to talk to him. He stepped out of a meeting to let me know that I was important to him.
Fast forward to the evening and I miss him & really want to see him but I don't want to pressure him to leave the boys. I don't think he or I should have to choose. I can feel my anxiety kicking in and I really want to take a zanex but instead I am writing this post to relieve some of my feelings. It was a long day, of course I can take care of myself and I know that I have it really great but sometimes I just need to whine.