Sometimes I feel ashamed to have been with the other men I was with, most very briefly (its that Catholic girl upbringing, just can't shut it off). But as "T" and I were talking about  people in our past, I said that the people that we knew and were with made us who we are today. Gave us the measuring stick for what we wanted in our relationship. I knew I wanted to be with someone who accepted me the way I was, submissive. Not only submissive in the bedroom but submissive in my everyday life. I wanted to be taken care of by someone who loved me and in turn I wanted to take care of someone whom I loved.

I am not stupid or incapable by any means. I have been without a significant other in my life for a while, taking care of my children basically as a single parent. Now that I have done what I wanted, raised two wonderful kids, I want someone to take care of me. Before when I would say those words I always quick to point out to a man that I wasn't talking about financial, I was talking about emotionally. Men always seem to freak out if you thought you wanted them for money, which wasn't what I was trying to say. "T" knew when I said those words that really I meant both, don't get me wrong I would be contributing but I didn't want to carry the burden by myself. I wanted to share it with someone, I wanted to make decisions with someone. I wanted what I thought a relationship should be, peaceful and respectful.

"T" has told me on more than one occasion that money was what broke up his marriage. I mentioned to him that it sounded like from day one that she never respected him, she always thought she could handle things better. He thought about that statement and wondered if it wasn't actually money but a lack of respect that was their demise. I read in my Surrendered Wife book that the author had taken a poll asking men what they wanted most in their marriages - respect. They wanted their wives to respect them and everything else was gravy. The wonderful thing about being submissive is that the person I am with automatically has my respect but with each day it grows and grows. The little things I do for "T" show my respect for him not only in the bedroom but just in everyday and that makes me happy and brings that peacefulness I have been craving.

PS you want, you find, you hope, you believe, you trust, you dive in only to find out somebody forgot to fill the pool, you crash, should have known better than to let go.

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