The Real Valentines Day

"T" showed up with chocolate roses and a card, I thanked him for the gift and we left to go out. I asked where we were going and he said does it matter, no. As we were driving he was looking around and I asked him if he had a plan, he asked me what kind of food I was in the mood for, did I like Italian? Then he asked if I was hungry, I said a little. He said boy I guess I should have told you we were going out for dinner, I really fucked that up. I suggested a restaurant he enjoys, Pei Wei (because we were right next to it). In my mind I thought we would be going to the movies or to the yogurt place I had mentioned that I wanted to try. We went and ordered, now "T" had been asking me the entire time was everything OK, is anything bothering you? I said no. I didn't say it to lie I said it to spare his feelings. I was disappointed, it was our first VD and it was being treated like it was any other day but I knew in the scheme of things it was just one day of many.

When he showed up in super casual clothing I knew that this wasn't going to be anything special. I put on my gracious face (and this is where the double edge sword comes into play) but "T" can read me. He kept pushing and finally I let on that I was disappointed in the lack of thought, not the money. He told me that he put a lot of thought into the chocolate roses (he had picked up on the way over), he bought them because he thought they were cute not because I necessarily because I liked them. As we were driving he turned to me and asked...you do like chocolate?

He also told me that he had a lot on his plate and I said I know you did. I have been understanding listening, being there and offering advice when asked, not because I had to but because I loved him and I cared about what happened.  I told him he shouldn't have pushed me to tell him what was wrong, he should have just left it alone and everything would have been fine. He said how can I sit across from you knowing you are not happy, I said you can't have it both ways. I said so I was disappointed big deal, I will get over it.

He stopped speaking to me (wouldn't look at me) during dinner and just sulked, we ended up leaving before finishing. I asked him in the car if we could just get past this and he asked if I could get past it, yes I could. He told me he didn't know if he could, he was angry. He said he could never buy me another gift, I asked why? I said again so I didn't like it, big deal. I didn't mention the fact that the gift I bought him for his birthday was still sitting in the same place unopened. I didn't throw a hissy fit, I just left it alone. He said I didn't have the money to buy you the same kind of gift I did for Christmas. I said do you really think this was about money? When we arrived home he said he was going to leave, I asked him not to. I said just come in side, we can get past this. He came inside for a while (didn't speak to me) but then I am pretty sure he had someone call him so he had an excuse to leave. He got up and announced that he had to go pick up some things for his son and left. Never spoke about what happened, never said good bye.

Several thoughts:
When something was bothering "T" instead of dealing with it he ran away. He didn't even have the courage to call the next day to discuss it.
For a man who can't pass by a romantic movie on TV he really never gave our first VD a second thought.
Looking back I felt "T" didn't listened to me or cared enough to find out what I like. I only eat certain chocolate, not only did I mention it several times I showed him what I liked. I told him many times how much I love pink and flowers. We have discussed what type of restaurants I like. I know what he likes.
I felt like "T" went into this relationship thinking that this was going to be perfect (because he told me) and when it deviated into real life, he bailed rather than deal with it. There is no perfection in life.
The card "T" gave me was so full of love but words on a card don't mean a thing unless you can back them up. Actions speak louder.
When something like this happens its easy to look back and find fault in the relationship. These were things that I was willing to look past because I loved him, just as he was willing to look past my imperfections. We weren't perfect we were just perfect for each other, or so I thought.

Today is day 2 and I still haven't heard anything from him. I am sad, angry and disappointed that what we had didn't mean enough to work through something so minor.

4 comments:

  1. Oh dear what a horrible few days its been for you, i hope you hear from him soon.

    Hugs
    blossom xx

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  2. Hugs sweetie.

    Call him.

    from waaaaay over here -- it sounds like you were both really misunderstanding each other. Not communicating expectations -- not communicating about other things going on -- and maybe?

    having some unreasonable expectations of each other.

    call him

    email if you need to talk

    sfp

    yourpeacefulone@gmail.com

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