My place

I went to "K's" home, an apartment in a high-rise downtown. As we were talking he told me to turn around,  he came up behind me pushing my body against the bar counter top and began kissing my neck. His kisses turned into biting, but not with all teeth just a couple. When he was done greeting me we walked downtown for dinner, BB Kings. Very enjoyable dinner discussing various topics and then we went back to his place. Before I left I visited the ladies room and there was an attendant. I asked her to look at my the back of my shoulder (because it was stinging) and sure enough where he had bitten me there was already a bruise starting. I told her my date had bitten me...then I said isn't that a good way to start off the night? She laughed and gave me that look of are you crazy.

We sat on the couch together making out, he had straddled me on the couch so that I was trapped under him as he had fun with me. Then he stood up and said come with me. Into the other bedroom, he placed a basket and towel on the bed and said, get undressed and put on this towel. He left the room and I stood there for a couple of minutes just thinking about what I wanted to do. I thought of Aisha and how she had flown somewhere to meet with a man and here I just had a 20 min. drive, this is what I wanted a lover. I began to undress and wrapped the towel around myself.

I walked out and he was on the couch, he told me to kneel at his feet. He looked at me and said this is your place, kneeling in front of me with your head on my chest. "K" had me repeat it several times to make sure I understood and said when we are out and I remind you about your place this is what I want you to think of. Then surprising me, he just held me against his chest and petted my hair. He kept talking about how safe I was and how nothing would happen unless I wanted it to, he reminded me I had my safe words - yellow to slow down and red to stop. This went on for a good 25 min. just holding me. Then he began to kiss me hard, pulling my hair, biting my lip - neck & chest. It was the same intense stuff we did in the parking lot only this time I was kneeling in front of him with my ass sticking up, essentially naked. There was some spanking, nipple pulling, etc. After each session he would bring me back to my place and pet me. By the time we finished  I felt like I had melted into his chest and really did feel safe.

He had me stand up (no towel) and he stood in front of me. More of what he had been doing on the couch continued and this time he added scratching. He took his finger nails and dragged them along the sides of my back, it was F----ing painful. The more I cried out the more he continued, I thought after a few times it would be over so I endured but he just kept going. So much so that I used the yellow word. I had closed my eyes and he had to tell me several times to look at him. I could hear him but I felt stuck and when I finally opened them my brain was foggy. He held me and we talked a little. Then we started kissing passionately and instead of me leaving like we had planned, I knew we were going to keep going.

"K" brought me into his bedroom and told me to lie on the bed. He got on top of me and we had sex.

Here is where I began to question can D/s thing be so intense, so wonderful and so fullfilling but the sex is so not good. This is the second D I have been with that had the same issue (conicidentally someone from last year). They are masters of the words, pain and pleasure but when it comes to the act of sex they just can't do it. One couldn't keep it hard enough, one didn't seem to know what to do with it when it was hard.  Don't get me wrong I would definately see him again because the other was so good, my back is still burning from him. Reminding me what went on but I would be happy not having sex with him. He couldn't even make me cum hand or tongue, it was not good for a man so skilled in the other. It left me wondering if there are others have had a similar issue, I have been contimplating posting to the Submissive forum. I know sex is not the end all be all in this type of relationship but it is a part at least in this one.


  1. Omigod - I'd love to say, "o, gosh, no, my experience is that they're great at sex," but honestly? Just between us here on your comment page?

    Not their strong suit.


    All kindsa issues. Depending on who we're talking about specifically.

    But usually they can get me to cum well enough, so I"m not complaining. Have been with enough vanilla men who can fuck and that's it.

    {Yikes - did i say that? Well, it's the truth.}


  2. Aisha,
    You are too funny! It's nice to know I am not alone. When I was with T it was amazing but he had emtional issues and couldn't fullfill the D part. I guess its a case of you can't have it all, which sucks! Because I like cake and ice cream why should I have to choose? LOL

  3. I'm not sure you're being fair to them. Most of the time the sex happens without planning and detail - more of a spur of the moment thing. This is out of the comfort zone for a D and not their strong suit

    Most are good on the fly but prefer planning out whatll happen in their minds before it happens.

    That being said It sounds like your current K is very different from last years and you shouldn't judge someone from 1 experience.

    From reading your blog last years K seems to be able to have made you have an intense orgasm from just the sound of his voice or a text message and that is truly special - trust me on that - wish I had that.

    Maybe you need to see where this leads with your current K - unless he doesn't do it for you in other ways.

    I'm very much like you and when I turn the switch I'm done but I can tell you from experience it is sometimes very fulfilling to turn off the switch and embrace what may be incredible.

    After all how many Ds can keep you aroused at the drop of a hat.

    If you really want a lover you may have already found the right one somewhere in your life.

  4. Anonymous all very good points, thank you for your comments.

  5. Hmmmm I'm going to put the cat amongst the pigeons here! (or may be kittens with the dogs)

    You may have stumbled on some deep rooted pycho babble that I won't go in to. But, some 'Doms', are 'pretenders to the thrown' and their 'domminess' has arizen from their own insecurities and inadequacies (i.e. the school bully syndrome). I am not saying this applies to 'K' but, from what I have heard, it is quite common to find Doms very unsure of themselves outside their 'comfort zone' of playing the Dom role.

  6. Interesting theory Clive, always good to have a male perspective. I am begining to see why people step outside their relationships. Maybe I need 2 lovers - 1 for domination & 1 for sex...but really who has time for 2, its challenging enough with just 1.
    Thanks as always.

  7. Unfortunately, most people get very little training in sex. If they're lucky, the get "sex ed", which mostly comes down to biology and contraception. And, on top of it (so to speak) many people believe that it will just happen correctly if there's "chemistry" or "love" between partners. Studies show that those that take a practical approach to sex are generally more orgasmic than those that have a romantic notion of it.

    There is education available for adults. (The Human Awareness Institute comes to mind, and they have a comprehensive approach.) So, maybe a fun possibility is to just take some classes with him.

  8. Thanks for your comments RP. I don't think tell a D that he needs to take classes would go over to well. I would rather just enjoy the positives he does have to offer to me.

  9. Have you ever seen a perfect movie? Think about your favorite movie, and you will undoubtedly find flaws in it somewhere. Maybe minor flaws, but nonetheless. Having a good sexual relationship, let alone having a good relationship, is a complicated thing. Two people need to have the chemistry that Dauntless speaks of, and your Dom needs to be good at pushing the right buttons at the right time in all those other areas, and be good at sex.

    Maybe he is not a great movie. Maybe he's only a good movie. But whatever you choose is going to have issues. What are the most important qualities to you? We all have to compromise something. I tend to be very creative and spontaneous in bed, and even though I have a somewhat devious mind, I can't get into the intense planning that it takes for a blockbuster scene, nor do I have all the qualities it takes to be totally Dominant. So there is balance in everything.

    I'm glad I know how to please my lizard in bed, though...

  10. Neo Dom thanks for your perspective. I read Dauntless's blog today and agree with him. I started seeing someone who also agrees with the statement - what goes on ei all between your ears.

    The person I wrote about in the post was just a lover, a fill in until I find someone special. The answer to your question is I am willing to compromise on bad sex or no orgasm - but not both.

    I love reading your blog, enjoy your weekend.

  11. I have to say that I've had this experience as well -- and really?

    it can be two different skill sets.

    you just have to figure out which elements are the most important to you -- and make sure you get what you need/want -- and can give him what he needs/wants too


    PS -- IMHO -- penetration is highly over rated.

  12. Thanks SFP, I have to agree with there being two different skill sets. Though sometimes penetration can be good, lol.
    But what really is interesting...this seems to be a subject to which everyone has something to say.
    Thanks as always.

  13. Hi, have just read this post, and loved it, very hot! I do know what you mean about the difference between the Dom bit and the sex bit...