Separating LTR/Friend/Lover

When I make a decision to be with someone, LTR or play I am totally into them at that moment. But no matter how things go I know which is the LTR and which is playing.

I bring this up because I got an email from "K". I had subbed for him a few weeks ago. I thought we had the boundaries all set up, he wasn't looking for LTR and I was. But I enjoyed his company so I considered him to be a friend/lover. We had been trying to get together again but our schedules conflicted. He sent me an email right before he left for a couple of weeks along the lines of I saw that you were still looking for someone, I guess I wasn't the right guy for you.

I wrote back apologizing for misreading the situation, I understood that you weren't looking for LTR and that is why I kept looking. I told him I considered him a friend/lover and if I had misled him then I was sorry. He wrote back that he had mis-read and that if we wanted to keep it that context that was fine with him.

Now the point of this is that even though we talked about it before hand, when we were together I am so into being with him, he took it another way. He thought that I was so into him that I wouldn't mind not seeing him for weeks at a time, that's not what LTR is to me. I am looking for that day to day interaction. Why do men think that I am going to fall for them and not be able to separate? I thought that being more experienced than I, would understand that is my personality, vulnerability is what I show when we are together. I am totally into you when I am with you but afterwards I know when its done we aren't going to be together unless that's what we both want.

OK now I'm just repeating myself and not making any sense. I am just not sure how to express this.

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I met with "JR" a local D for coffee. "M" had warned me that she had already had interaction with him but I was curious, because after all whats right for one person is not always right for another. Well I should have listened, lol! He was a little creepy for me and he asked me within 15 min of meeting if I would see him again - I said no, that I just didn't feel it. It was awkward for a moment and then we just talked about the lifestyle. Which made me realize even more that he wasn't the guy for me. We parted friendly and when I got home he messaged me asking if I would change my mind - no.

The one thing I do like about this lifestyle is the ability to say no (on either side) and not have to play those obnoxious vanilla games. For me its either its there or it isn't.

I am talking to 2 other guys on CM. One I have been warned about from "M", I am taking it very seriously. She met him and he was a hoarder, his life is totally out of control. So I can cross him off the list. The other guy is "M" he lives in Orlando, about 2.5 hrs away. I am always leery of guys far away, its too easy for them to just fade away so I am hesitant, but trying to give it an honest try.

2 comments:

  1. Sheesh, it is so frigging hard.

    I feel like I'm so in synch with where you are in so many ways.

    Hang in there, right?

    hugs,

    aisha

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  2. Hang in there, keep up the faith, don't worry it will all work out, if you don't put it out there you will never know, keep your chin up....

    I probably could go on and on, lol!

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