Late night rambling

"Don't worry about disappointing me. Stop trying to figure everything out, just feel it."

These are the words I heard from him. Sometimes I get so caught up in saying the right thing to him that I over think the situation and he knows it. He is always questioning me and I worry that what I say is not what he wants to hear. I worry that I sound silly saying what he wants me to say. I worry that my reaction is not what he wants.

I know sometimes I fight against him but he always brings me back where he wants me, my god how does he have the patience. I wonder why I make him do that. Does it mean more to me when he doesn't let me get away with anything, does it show me that he cares and words he is saying are more than words?

Everything we have done has been rough for the most part. Tonight he told me he wants to slowly and sensually take me, using only his voice as bondage, feeling his strong presence from behind. The thought of that takes me to another place and makes me wonder if it is possible to submit deeper than I am now, are there levels of submission?

Its been almost a month and he hasn't done anything to let me down, he has kept his promise. Still I struggle with letting go of my worries because I am afraid. I can feel myself going deeper in a different way than I have with anyone else. He definitely gets to my core, even though there will always be a piece he never gets from me because I know this is not permanent,  he is getting more than I ever thought I would be able to give.


  1. i'm absolutely fascinated by your relationship. and more than a little envious. and, as always, in awe of how clearly you convey your thoughts and feelings in writing.

  2. Yes. I agree with Deb. A beautiful post. And I understand your need for him to hold strong. Sometimes I find myself pushing and pushing to find a flaw, to test Him out, expecting disappointment. Whe that doesn't happen it is a wonderful feeling. Thankyou for sharing

  3. Hi sbf

    what a lovely post, you express your emotions so well.

    blossom xx

  4. Um, what Deb said...



  5. Deb, Blossom, Aisha, HS and Alice thank you for the kind comments, appreciated as always. Sometimes I don't even realize what I have written until someone else disects it. Thanks

  6. Fantastic. You often sum up things in a wonderful way.

    I often feel like this as well. Saying the wrong thing. Saying the right thing, but being awkward and silly about it. Worrying about my responses to what he's doing.

    Its wonderful to know that there is something beneath all that, something more real!