Piece of the puzzle

Like planting a seed in my mind, he asks me questions that make me think until I am consumed to find an answer.

What makes me want to please him?

Its that voice...commanding, lulling, moving. I feel tethered to him on some secret level, his voice draws me to him. Not understanding why I want to immediately obey whatever he asks, almost desperately wanting to please.

He's told me I'm his slut to do with as he pleases. He tells me that he is going to take my submission deeper than before (how is that possible). Both excite me and scare me.

What would take me over the edge?

I haven't totally given myself to him. A part of me still holds back because I haven't gotten that one piece of the puzzle from him yet, that I need to be complete. That one piece that would put me over the edge, but it doesn't come naturally to him. I remember when we were together before I never saw it, I imagine it was because he thought I would become too attached. Now its the one thing that keeps me from completely giving myself over, aftercare is that piece.

When we are done with a scene he isn't capable of giving me proper aftercare and it breaks the connection I feel. I know it's coming so I am always prepared to pull back never quite letting go all the way.  It's his commanding voice and strong hands that keep me coming back for more but its that missing piece that made it easier to leave before and that same piece will always keep me from going all the way down to total submission.

7 comments:

  1. I was delighted with your profile and clarity with which it approaches its Subimissão, I congratulate and applaud from afar here in Brazil, I was delighted to meet you and hope to see your comments on my blog, and you're special to me because Libra I know how to give love and receive love and being submissive, goes further because it has the ability to performs an Vanilla has no desires, CONGRATULATIONS again, have a nice Sunday.

    Mr. Lucius.

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  2. I can understand your hesitation. Aftercare is so very important. To me it brings together and solidifies everything you have just done. It should be part of the process...not just your scene or play and then done. You are definitely not getting a very important piece of the puzzle. I hate that for you.

    DV

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  3. Absolutely with DV here - isn't 'after care' a measure of the respect, tenderness, compassion and, indeed, passion felt for you. Keep your reserve, BF, until that final piece is in place. Hugs

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  4. Personally I couldn't imagine play without aftercare. It's akin to dessert after a good meal. For me i guess its that anyone can spank your ass, fuck you good, and then hop out of bed with a 'See you next Thursday" kind of attitude. Their concern leans toward the play, not the person they are playing with. To Me your focus should be the person. If you are going to take them to the places they crave to be led you should care about them. That emotional attachment from the aftercare has to be there. Kind of like the difference between saying you love someone and actually showing it. Just My personal opinion

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  5. Without aftercare the rest seems like just going through the motions. Like he's not really emotionally involved with what he is doing.

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  7. i second lucius! thanks for articulating so well!

    just a thought - maybe i'm out of line, but i'm mostly asking (rather than suggesting) - is it possible to ask for that missing puzzle piece? is it possible he (slash any number of dominant types) doesn't know that this is important? (think dom learning curve.)

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