Retro Relationships

First to all of my supporters: DauntlessVitatality, little monkey, Neo Dom Tom, Alice, Histoy, William, Deb, Clive, Aisha, K and the others who passed along their good thoughts. I wouldn't have had the courage to say what I wanted if it weren't for all of your encouragement. I love having this other community family to share with, so thank you.

I was reading A Master's Viewpoint of the BDSM World  posting about the 50's style relationship. He writes about how "A true submissive is one of the strongest people that you will meet. She is one who knows exactly what is wanted and is willing to go get it....I can assure you that it takes just as much strength to serve as it does to control."

Even before I began this journey, I always believed that there could only be one person in charge of a relationship and not just in the bedroom.  In all of my vanilla relationships this was something that I craved but could never quite find, which one of the reasons I ended up starting to look beyond vanilla. I have always been a supporter of the Surrendered Wife (a similar concept of the 50's style, maybe a little more religious based). This book is about changing who I was, not trying to change the man. I recommended it to friends and it even helped save a marriage in trouble. 

What I discovered in vanilla was that there weren't too many men willing to step up and take control even after it was offered. Similar to the men who didn't understand that I wanted to be controlled in the bedroom. I remember sharing with a man I was seeing what I liked, he freaked out and dumped me, telling me that I wasn't the kind of women he could see himself in a relationship with. That same guy tried to get me back 2 months later, I guess all of a sudden it was ok.

My friends and I talk about how high the divorce rate is right now and what is the answer, is marriage obsolete, are women to strong, are men too weak...all questions that make you wonder if a 50's style shouldn't be something more should take a second look at.

There is no point to this post, other than to say it was nice that someone recognized that wanting a 50's style relationship and being submissive does not make you a weak person.

6 comments:

  1. Interesting thoughts. I don't know how well I'd do in a '50's style relationship - I just don't know...

    For sure, I don't think women are "too strong," whatever that would mean. I don't think men are "too weak" but I think maybe they aren't sure how to be. We don't have good models for initiating men into manhood, and I think that's unfortunate. But that's a whole blog post - or 10 - by itself.

    Interesting post. Thanks,

    aisha

    aisha

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  2. oh sooo right! Maybe we were just born 30 years too late... We would have made great June Cleavers with a very kinky twist!

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  3. Aisha when I ask if women are too strong, I mean are they too dominant in a relationship. I know this has come up before but I have seen alot of relationships where the women put their man down in front of others. Then on the other hand the men let it happen. This is where the balance in the relationship is off, which can lead to infidelity or divorce.

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  4. To some degree, and no offense to anyone when I say this, but women's rights and liberation has caused a lot of this. By that I mean, that over the last 20-30 years, there has been such a push for women to be more equal to men...in pay, in benefits, in societal class, etc... Over time this has conditioned society to teach that women are just as strong, controlling and capable as men. Men have had to accept this, and give in. In turn, there isn't anything like it was in the 50's, where the woman is more submissive and the man is head of his household. We have all been conditioned to think that everyone is more equal and that women can stand up for themselves and demand to be treated as an equal.

    Like, I said, don't get me wrong, as I do believe in everyone getting fair treatment. No one else, in the big scheme of things, is any less than anyone else. But, I think in general for many submissives, and women who feel submissive tendencies, it is all this and the way society looks at it these days, that the have been taught to feel like being submissive to a man is wrong. We have all read about a woman coming to terms with and accepting her submissive nature. Based on values today, this can be very hard for a woman, whereas 50 years ago it was the norm.

    All of this is generalities and just my opinion. I just think that there are so many societal pressures to conform and be a certain way, that any Dominant or any submissive, be it male or female in either role, can feel as though they are way outside the norm. this can make them feel very different and that what they really want and need is wrong. Hence the battle all of us involved in TTWD battle constantly. And by most, TTWD is viewed as just plain wrong, because they have been brought up to believe a certain way. Yet, it all comes down to personal choice, and what you like and want. It just may not set well with others, as this isn't their belief.

    DV

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  5. Hi subgirl. I want to talk to you about a couple of things. Please send Me your email address at falcon9544@yahoo.com

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  6. I think it is that very fact, that it takes strength to be submissive, that scares some men away. It takes a confident man to be in a *healthy* D/s relationship, because it indeed takes a strong woman to be in one. A man who accepts a woman's submission, is a man who embraces and honors her strength, not weakness. IMHO:)

    K

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