The Moment

I know what I am looking for, always have. Maybe I have veered off course a couple of times but I have always had one objective in mind - I want a long term relationship with a D so that I can be my true submissive self. There is more to it than that but that has always been the very basic explanation. Most times when I meet someone I like, I jump in quickly and think about the future and it never works out. I am always disappointed and the blame is mine.

Mine because I want it so bad that I never live in the moment. I enjoy the moment but I am always thinking of how it will be down the road. When I met "P" I told histoy that I was going to enjoy the moment and not think of down the road, she said that sounded like a good plan. I look to her for guidance because she has been searching and has finally found what she was looking for (have you seen the everyday collar she received - beautiful and I am so happy for her). So over the last few days I have been very careful not to think about anything past today. I am still enjoying everything we have together but only for today.

We are different people and even though I am extremely attracted to his mind and body, he has experienced many things and I have not. He travels a lot and I don't. He will be leaving for business for at least 3 weeks soon and I may never see him again. I may be an amusement while he's here, I don't know. But today I don't care.

We spoke on the phone several times yesterday and he called to say goodnight. While we were speaking he told me to keep my hands above the blanket, that it was a rule. He had know way of knowing that rules make me feel safe and taken care of. He had know way of knowing that I went to sleep last night with him on my mind knowing he had given me a rule to follow, heightening my awareness of not being able to touch myself even though the thought of his touch the previous night was still with me.

We met today for coffee, we talked of pain and past experiences. He told me he enjoys giving pain, but I couldn't tell how much. Afterwards he took my hand and walked me to my car, taking what he wanted before he left. When I am with him I forget there are people around us, even if we are just talking. His strong hands know just how to grab my hair the right way and let's just say...I think we both enjoy public displays of affection. As he said if there were video cameras somebody was enjoying themselves and who ever else walked by us.

Tonight we are going to dinner. I don't know what tomorrow will hold because I am choosing to live in the moment and enjoy what's in front of me.

3 comments:

  1. That sounds good, at least temporarily, for choosing to live in the moment and enjoy what's in front of you. Good luck SBF. :)

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  2. Yep, sounds like a good place to be. I'm so happy for you - for the moment.

    aisha

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  3. Enjoy...living for the moment is fun and exciting...
    HSxx

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