First, thank you for the comments on my postings. I always read them but sometimes I am neglectful to comment again. Some of them are profound, heartfelt and some just make me laugh, I enjoy them all.
So after I posted this morning, delirious from lack of consistent sleep because my mind just wouldn't shut down. I think if I had just gotten up at 3am and wrote I would have been better off, at least those thoughts would have been out of my head. That is what this blog is for, a way to express myself and understand what I am feeling (and making kitten for sir wet, lol). So after, I received an email from my friend (histoy on the not so empty collar), ever so gently (like a tornado) reminding me what he gets out of this. I loved what she wrote and wanted to share some of it.
"If you think, I mean truly think about that.... this is what he gets...
A submissive woman handing over total control of all that she is, throwing away her self control, her humility, handing all she is inside over into his hands, whether it is for the moment or for a lifetime makes no difference, he is right then and right there in complete possession of another human being. It is difficult to grasp the power of control from our perspective because it is something we do not desire, but for one who dreams of power and control, it is just that ... his dream realized! Your submission is truly a gift, and you are giving him that gift to do with as he wishes, never underestimate the power of that! There are many women who use this lifestyle as a way to "capture" a man, professing submission, but when called upon, there are so many limits handed out, it is barely more than a nilla relationship in context. Finding someone who makes us feel beautiful and wanted inside, works on both sides of the coin in this lifestyle. Its the ever so important chemistry thing!"
It is a difficult concept for me to grasp for me because it is something I don't want to have. As a single parent of 11 yrs, I can tell you being in control makes me tired and I am no good at it. Of course I have raised my children and they have turned out alright, but I have had the support of my family and friends. I never would have been able to do it without them. The burden of having to do it all is emotionally overwhelming and has taken me down on more than one occasion. Now that I have done my job (I know its never completely finished) and they are turning into young adults I want to have a man in my life to take care of me. I am not talking in the financial sense, I am talking in the mental/emotional & physical sense. Knowing that there is hope to find someone is what keeps me on the path of my journey.
Here is the culprit - Jeffrey, don't let his innocent appearance fool you, he is a bad kitty.