Ms. Inconspicuous at The Anatomies of a Marriage wrote a wonderful posting today,  Five Things Guys Do to Fuck it All Up. Even though I am not dating this month (half way through), I can relate on how difficult it can be. Now she is on Ashley Madison looking for a very specific type of relationship but really these 5 items apply to dating in general. I have experienced every single one and each time I shake my head in disbelief, wondering "what the F--k" are they thinking.

1.  Bitterness - last month I was on CM and was contacted by a D that said check out my profile, if you like what you see please write me (please refer to #4). His profile read like a laundry list of all the different people he had been involved with or had contact with, listing every single detail of what he didn't like about them. It went on and on like a rant of what he didn't want. So I wrote back to him and politely let him know that I felt his profile was to negative for my taste. Being the confident man that he was he wrote back and criticized me for being judgmental, then he blocked me. It was a like a hit and run, very cowardly. I was probably added to top his profile list of things he didn't like. We have all had bad relationships, but if you bring that bitterness into the next one then it is doomed to fail before it even gets started.

2.  Sharing erotica - now I love erotica, read it everyday and can't get enough of it. But why oh why do men have to send picture of their dicks? This is a question that I ask myself all the time, what are they thinking? I understand men are visual but when you first approach me I don't want to see your 9 inch-er, save it for later. I just want a picture of your head up top not down below.

3. Apologizing - if you have to apologize for bothering me with your email...then you have no self confidence, which is a sure sign you are not the guy for me.

4.  Leaving things in my hands - If you can't take charge, then you can't take me. Like when the guy wrote "if your interested write me back", grow a set and show me you are a D. I'm not looking for a jerk, just someone who can take the lead.

5.  Unearned demands - love this one! Yes, I am submissive but no this doesn't mean I will be...calling you immediately because you said so, sending you a naked picture because you said so or calling you Sir/Master immediately. I already know I want to be at a D's feet but being submissive doesn't give you the right to be a jerk to someone you don't even know. The man whom I submit to is the man who doesn't need to demand my submission.

6. One liners - This is my addition to the list. One liner first contact..."Hi", "How are you", "Your beautiful" or "How is your day going". Come on really, this is the best you could come up with?! You are looking for someone to date or have some type of relationship with and this is the first impression you want to give? If you don't have more to say than a couple of words then you aren't even worth writing back to. I can already tell that having some type of a conversation with this person would be like pulling teeth. I am attracted to a man who can write or at least make the effort of putting together a few sentences to show me you are worth the time and effort.

I think that (some) men need to be reminded they are on these web sites to ATTRACT someone, not scare them away. I want a man who draws me in with his confidence and intelligence, who wants to get to know me and not just what my sexual likes and dislikes are.  He is looking to build something out of nothing more than 2 people looking for the same thing. He conquers my mind, knowing my body will eagerly follow.


  1. Oh how right you are! My guess is that girls that do this F*ck it all up as well! When will we learn? Love reading your posts! Can you tell me what CM is? I'm new to the D/s world and am no expert on acronyms!


  2. kitten is pretty sure sbf is talking about -

    Anyhoo, hiya sweet buterfly *hugs* so glad to see your fiesty side! It is just another way to show U/us that you know who you are and know what you wnat, which is the first step in finding someone else - i have read (Conquer Me by Kacie Cuninningham) and truly believe that you have to own yourself in order to give yourself to someone else.

    can i admit though, that i miss the posts that make me wet?! *giggles* COME ON AUGUST - I NEED YOU lol

    --kitten for Sir

  3. Thank you kitten, I am sure you're right. I am also looking forward to August when she jumps back into the pool!


  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. yeah, i strongly agree with all the points, especially #2 & #5, that's most i've got before in CM and alt.

  6. If ever I become unowned..I will be chasing you down to use this post as my profile :)


  7. Oh, so very true - all of it. The only thing I would say is that I have sometimes been hooked by a one-liner if it's witty and shows he's read, and understood, my profile. But then one line is all he would get back in return. Your post brought back some very bad dating memories. Thank you.

  8. A very well considered list there SBF - and, believe me, it isn't just guys that 'fuck it all up' like that either! Plenty of 'Mistresses' that are guilty of all 5 :)

  9. Omigosh, well done. Yep. YOu're so on target. I think I need to take a month off too, sometimes it's just overwhelming...

    And couldn't you still write fantasies on your month off, or would that be a violation? Just wondering...


  10. perfect post as I am new to CM.

    submissivebf you hit the nail on the head with this one!

    I am talking to one man who did not do any of those 5 and so I am confident there are some good ones out there. We shall see how this plays out. He definately has me intrigued.


  11. Wow I think I've encountered just about all of these as well.

    Only a handful have been viable enough to actually reply to and then only probably 2 of them were guys I actually met up with. (And they didn't pan out)

  12. lol. sbf! i'm late in reading the vaca posts. but you're more eloquent than ever! this is a good trip for you!