I love to read all types of material, one being books on relationships. Being fairly new to this lifestyle I find myself very conflicted with what I have learned/read about how to respond to a new relationship. Recently I found myself viewing material written by a relationship expert, she wrote about "playing hard to get".
She wrote about how humans thrive on desire and you can't desire something you already have. Playing hard to get has helped thousands of women learn the meaning of valuing themselves by using self-restraint and self-discipline. Applied to relationships, when the woman makes a man jump through hoops (waiting 3 months to sleep together) he sees her as something valuable, something he had to work hard for. Where the woman who gives into quickly he sees her as something less valuable.
DV recently answered a question on form spring about being ashamed of being a submissive. He wrote "There is no need to be or feel ashamed of your desires....Just know that is it OK to want, need, and feel the desires you have....You and only you know what is best for you and what you need....Don't let outside influences and the views of others deter you from being happy and who you truly are."
I am absolutely not ashamed of the way I feel or the fact that I want a D/s relationship. Where I get confused or stuck is with the vanilla I grew up with all of my life and the new life I want. Do you wait? Do you not wait? Does a D feel differently than other men? If you give in quickly does respect come into play?
When I refer to waiting, it could be anything from simple play to sex and time frame could be the first meeting or after a couple of dates. Obviously from my previous writings you may have noticed I have a challenging time waiting. When I opened this door I specifically did it with the intention of discovering who I was and what I wanted. Now almost a year in November, I know the answers to both the questions so now I need to know...do I jump to quickly into a physical relationship? In this lifestyle besides long distance relationships, is there such a thing as waiting? Does respect and value come into play in this lifestyle the same way it does in vanilla?
Plus what about sharing blogs...how does that effect the way a D sees you? Is it something that should be with held back? I have this compulsion to share it because it is a part of who I am, but I often wonder if this is a detriment to building a relationship.
I would love to hear what others have to say about this topic because this is something that definitely has been a conflict in the back of my mind since the beginning...its that Catholic Girl up bringing that's still in my head, even though I haven't seen the inside of a church (much to the chagrin of my mother) in a long time.