I love to read all types of material, one being books on relationships. Being fairly new to this lifestyle I find myself very conflicted with what I have learned/read about how to respond to a new relationship. Recently I found myself viewing material written by a relationship expert, she wrote about "playing hard to get".

She wrote about how humans thrive on desire and you can't desire something you already have. Playing hard to get has helped thousands of women learn the meaning of valuing themselves by using self-restraint and self-discipline. Applied to relationships, when the woman makes a man jump through hoops (waiting 3 months to sleep together) he sees her as something valuable, something he had to work hard for. Where the woman who gives into quickly he sees her as something less valuable.

DV recently answered a question on form spring about being ashamed of being a submissive. He wrote "There is no need to be or feel ashamed of your desires....Just know that is it OK to want, need, and feel the desires you have....You and only you know what is best for you and what you need....Don't let outside influences and the views of others deter you from being happy and who you truly are."

I am absolutely not ashamed of the way I feel or the fact that I want a D/s relationship. Where I get confused or stuck is with the vanilla I grew up with all of my life and the new life I want. Do you wait? Do you not wait? Does a D feel differently than other men? If you give in quickly does respect come into play?

When I refer to waiting, it could be anything from simple play to sex and time frame could be the first meeting or after a couple of dates. Obviously from my previous writings you may have noticed I have a challenging time waiting. When I opened this door I specifically did it with the intention of discovering who I was and what I wanted. Now almost a year in November, I know the answers to both the questions so now I need to know...do I jump to quickly into a physical relationship? In this lifestyle besides long distance relationships, is there such a thing as waiting? Does respect and value come into play in this lifestyle the same way it does in vanilla?

Plus what about sharing blogs...how does that effect the way a D sees you? Is it something that should be with held back? I have this compulsion to share it because it is a part of who I am, but I often wonder if this is a detriment to building a relationship.  

I would love to hear what others have to say about this topic because this is something that definitely has been a conflict in the back of my mind since the beginning...its that Catholic Girl up bringing that's still in my head, even though I haven't seen the inside of a church (much to the chagrin of my mother) in a long time.


  1. Big questions and only you know what is right for you, SBF.

    For me, I know that the times I have acted in haste, I have repented in leisure. It's darn hard to wait, I'll grant you. But I find it gives both Him and I a chance to get to know each other and build trust.

    Blogs? I have yet to meet a Dom OF MY ACQUAINTANCE (I won't speak for all) who enjoyed being critiqued in public--for good or bad. Master believes that when and if I write my feelings about a situation, it should only be AFTER we have hashed it completely out. Even then He doesn't like it.

    I agree with Him, but I've never been one to be very forthcoming about private things. In my mind it comes down to this: who am I having the relationship with--Master or my readers? I adore you all--but there's only room in the dungeon for two. ;)

    Mind you--those are MY feelings--not right or wrong and might not work for you.

    Odd that you bring this up. Master and I spent some serious face time talking about the blog last night. Both of us are feeling about 70% sure that it's time to close it for several reasons.

    Good luck. These really are big questions. Take your time in finding the answer which works for you.


  2. Thanks Dannah I appreciate your thoughts. :)

  3. SBF...This is from another "Catholic Girl"...
    wait time is different for everyone, trust your "gut", your feelings. Will it always work out...no, but you learn from each experience.

    When I started my blog, Master said I could "lock" Him out, if it would make it easier for me to vent and say what I wanted. I decided that I wanted Him to have access. I have a hard time expressing emotions, wants,and needs. We have been working on that, so I decided the blog would be an aid to that. He does not edit or approve of what I write. It has led to some discussions, and even if He does not agree, He reminds me, the blog is my place to help me be "me".

    Just my 2 cents..good luck!

  4. btw, I love the pic. That young lady is not waiting another second :D

    Seriously, waiting is important I think. Not to rush is good. With that being said, doesn't it always ends up that way, that we rush. It's like it's worth the thrill and bliss of it, for some of the hurt and pain later. I think with the right person, it can all work out. I tend to let someone know that there are things I am not sharing right away, but that I am not trying to keep secrets as much as building trust. That seems to help. But, yes some Doms will want to know it all right away. Dragon was like that. And I can't fault him for it. What Dannah said, only you can know, and you will. Just keep doing you..

  5. Abby maybe that is why I am questioning it now, maybe I have learned from my past experiences.

    K I thought that picture was very appropriate and exactly how I feel sometimes in the beginning.

    Thanks Ladies for your thoughts. :)

  6. This is hard for me as well. In my old life, I waited till I got married to have sex. I no longer wish to wait that long but I still believe there are good reasons to wait till at least a bond of trust and love is established....something more than mere infatuation. But I'm still working on that and figuring that out as I date.

  7. I think the more open you can be in a long-term, serious relationship, the better.

    Now, at the beginning, when you are getting to know each other, it is perfectly ok to go slowly and make sure this is someone you can trust. But when you find a Dom you can trust, I think you should def share your blogs.

  8. GB I know about the waiting, I feel like I put my life on hold to raise my kids. Now I want to live again.

    Sexperrs thanks for the thoughts, especially about the blog.