Confidence is key

Confidence: full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed. Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.
As a submissive woman I am attracted to confidence, doesn't necessarily mean I want to submit to everyone I meet. But it is a very powerful aphrodisiac and I am immediately drawn to that person, wanting to know more and understand what I see in them. Some have understated confidence, some have overpowering confidence but one thing is for sure, I know it when I see it.

I see it in the Dom & sub blogs I read,  men & women  I meet, emails I receive from prospects and even over the phone. I look for a man who projects that confidence, he knows how to take control in his emails, phone calls and first meeting. Now there is a fine line between confidence and being an arrogant asshole but usually the arrogant ones usually show themselves early on because they don't have control of their behavior.

Having a lack of confidence is something that conjures up the total opposite feeling. If the person I am talking to has a lack of confidence in himself or his abilities, then how would he be able to take charge of the of me and accept the control I am handing over to him? He wouldn't and when I get that feeling then I know they are not right for me. It doesn't mean they aren't a D, just that they aren't mine. Just like there are all types of subs there are all types of D's and similar to vanilla dating not everybody is a match. 

When I get an email from someone who is interested in me there is a process that I go through. I read carefully what they say and if it draws me in then I respond positively. During that first step I also look at their picture and height (because I am completely vain about height requirements), age and just generally if their profile is along the lines of what I am looking for. I also feel its important they don't talk about sex to much in the beginning, yes I know this is BDSM but because I am not just looking for a playmate I feel there should be a balance. A sense of humor is also important, cause if don't have a sense of humor then it just won't work. After the emails are exchanged I wait to see where they will take me next, some like to chat, some like to go right for the phone call. After the chat, then a phone call is in order and if all goes well a first meeting.

At each point I listen very carefully to what they are saying because they will eventually tell you who they are and what they are looking for. If at anytime during the process I don't feel their confidence and ability to take control, then its over. I know it will never work for me and I thank them kindly and let them know that we are not a match. Sometimes I know in the first email, sometimes I don't know until I meet them. The one thing I do appreciate about this lifestyle is the ability to be honest, I don't have to pretend to be interested and then dump them when they call again. For this type of relationship there has to be chemistry felt by both, there has to be a D/s chemistry.

I've gotten more replies but this one was by far the best...

"You sound like a serious candidate.. I might just give you a little trial if you can manage it.. I'm inviting you to come and meet me at the chapel located at XXXX Saturday morning 9am dress in one of your most modest dresses and meet me at the front of chapel on the left hand side..I will be there by latest 9:30am standing in a dark grey suit about 5'9" 185lbs with a little distinguished mouthstach. Send me a discription and/or a picture and I hope to see you.. Gods willing...."

Question...what's a mouthstach and do these men not have spell check?


  1. Mouthstash...Ummm, drug mule of some sort?

  2. It's so true, confidence is key. When it is right, and the confidence is there in all it's glory, there is this oh so subtle vulnerability which I find to be the secret ingredient. Not a vulnerability that gives in to me or gives me control, but one that says, wow not only is He perfectly confident and dominant, but he is also a human man, who was once a boy.

  3. I think most people are attracted to confidence, vanilla or otherwise. I definitely find myself responding more favorably to assertive, confident men. There is a fine line between confident and arrogant asshole, however. I received a message from someone instructing me on what to wear, and to visit his apartment, before we even exchanged emails! No thanks, D-bag!

  4. Confidence without arrogance is a huge turn on for me! Great post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :) I'd say the guy who replied to your ad is a "keeper!" NOT!! lol

  5. Omigod, I love that response! You're getting some great ones! lol...

    And I totally agree. The DomD (Dom of my Dreams) knows who He is and is comfortable with Himself. Confident enough to be open to new ideas, confident enough to lead easily.


    Thanks for this post.


  6. Ladies all wonderful comments, it's always a pleasure to see how others percieve my thoughts.
    Thanks :)

  7. mouthstache lol. Yes confidence is important yet there's a healthy balance. It seems hard to find sometimes...