My girlfriend recently told me she went out with a guy and by the third date they had done everything but have intercourse. Inside I laughed because D/s dating is very fast compared to vanilla and that's in the first communications before you even meet. I was reading Jumping On In's posting about how traditional third dates are usually deciding whether or not to take it to the next level. A D/s relationship is very intimate so by the time you meet the person you are practically naked in front of them, either mentally and or physically. But regardless of how well you think things are going, the meeting doesn't always work out the way you want.

Yes, I'm leading up to talking about my date on Saturday. First let me say I was so happy to have all the well wishes, like my own personal cheer leading squad of kinsters (mmm I wonder what your outfits would look like, lol). Our exchanges leading up to our meeting had been amazing, we really wanted the same things. "J" came down because he lives a few hours away and got a hotel room in the town where I live. There was definitely a physical chemistry between us and he immediately was able to put me at ease. We had an amazing time together and he is a wonderful man & D. He was everything I had on my list of wants, all the things I had been looking for in the past.

Because he had everything I wanted and he had been encouraging me to let go of my rules, especially the one where I think a man should be out of his marriage for at least a year before I go out with him. I had instituted this because I think that after you have been married or widowed you need time to heal and get your game back. Time to figure out what you want, time to date casually, especially if you were in a ltr. If you were in a bad marriage you forget how to date, you forget that a woman wants to hold hands, be touched & kissed while you are out together, you just forget how to be intimate with your partner. You become numb because you stop caring about the other person and so when you jump back in you just don't realize.

I think he forgot how to date and just needs time and practice.  If he had lived closer then maybe we could have tried to work on it but because of the distance it just wasn't the right time. We had a wonderful night together but there was something missing for me but I did make a great friend and we will definitely keep in touch.


  1. Nothing easy about this, is there?

    I'm glad you'll still be friends, and won't make any comments about someday.


  2. No Aisha it isn't easy, I hope you are having better luck on your end.
    We always have the Major, he's perfect.

  3. Well crap. I was so hoping... but it does sound like you had a great evening... and I do hope you can continue to be friends. Maybe even with benefits! I wonder what our outfits would look like too!


  4. Sounds like you met a new friend AND had a lovely evening.



  5. awe sbf sounded so promising but as long as you both have a lovely evening together that was something.

    laughed at Sky's comment NEXT!!!lol

    blossom xx

  6. Yet, don't you fornicate? Aren't you in the process of adultery? And you think absolutely nuthin of it?? Owch. Better repent, girl, or I fear for your eternal soul. I do. Every month. Lemme give you the key to Heaven where I'm going; there'll be SEX, SEX, SEX, and mo sex for the length of sextillions --- Cannot do 'em all in this weee time on earth, yet, ya most certainly CAN in Heaven Above where we have the length and breadth of eternity. Meet me in Heaven, gorgeous girl, where I’ll tenderly, gently, lovingly kiss your adorable feet because I’m so #@!! happy you made it; lookit ‘sexponential’ first and lemme make love to you Beyond the Stars to do many other wonderfull, appetizing things as well. See ya soon. God bless you.

  7. SBS. Blossom & Sky yes its always nice to make a friend. :)

    I don't even know what to say to BHS other than...OK?

  8. Oh well, a good night was had, a new friend was made and the quest moves on. Who knows what direction but careful about wearing BH socks in bed :)Hugs from you're negligent Cheerleader :)

  9. What i see (between the lines) here, dear butterfly, is that you use both your heart and your brain at the same time - good call!

    Oh, and the wait a year thing: also good call...those that are recently divorced do need time, even if they don;t realize it.

    kitten's divorce was final (after an 8 month separation) in April of this year. i met SIrW in January of this year and He knows (from experience) that time is a necessary component to getting "yourself" back.

    Who was it that said, you have to own yourself before you can give yourself to another? *shrugs*

    When i say you are beautiful, i am talking about your brain, dear!

    Love ya!


  10. Let me just say good for you. It takes major strength to have a wonderful date but know that at least for right now, it just won't work. You could have simply went with it anyway but you chose to stick to your own personal standards and I think that's great.

    I've had to do it a few time, even in vanilla dating...and I must say your reasoning behind having someone be 1 year out of a marriage first is really pretty darn insightful. Thank you.