Scary Bitches

I belong to some groups on FetLife and receive emails about discussions all the time. Most times I don't respond or even read them. I think I have replied 2 times and in each I offered something constructive to the conversation. Today I was talking to the Dom I had been emailing with and something he mentioned several times made me wonder. So I decided to start a discussion because I sincerely wanted other opinions before I responded to him. So I posted...

Has this ever happened to you?
I am talking to a local Dom online only, we haven't met yet. In his last email he mentioned that he didn't want to know anything about my past relationships and he didn't want to talk about his. I have only had two D's relationships but have spoken with a lot of D's in between and all them have wanted to know details about my other relationships/experiences.
So this comment made me stop and wonder if he was a D. Before I overreact I wanted to get other opinions.
So my question is has this ever happened to anyone else...have you ever met a D that didn't want to know about your past experiences?
Thanks
submissivebutterfly
I posted because really wanted to get other opinions. Well DAMN some of those woman are really MEAN and SCARY. Some, not all jumped all over me, belittling me and how I was feeling.

NEVER going to make that mistake again!!

15 comments:

  1. Fet has far too many proponents of the "one twoo way", and if you're not doing it their way, you're doing it wrong. Ignore the nasty ones and enjoy the ones who genuinely want to help.

    Maybe he's has a hard break up , or is tired of hearing the litanies of "He did this and he did that" from sub who aren't really over their old Doms. I'd tell him my concern while making sure he knew I wasn't asking for relationship specifics. I think it was sfp who made the point that if he is in the "maybe" column, just don't do it. It's not worth it. You are looking for just right and if he is setting off warning bells before you've even met in person....

    sorry about the book. :) k.

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  2. Hey you, don't go asking questions in a group of submissive women!!! They all think they know everything ;) xo

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  3. And yes, I thought they were quite bitchy... but then, I've seen them reply before.

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  4. So that is where all the mean scary women hang out then - in a group for Submissive Women. Clearly I have been looking in all the wrong places :)

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  5. Yikes! What is wrong with them?

    That is a good question. And, to answer, for me it is hard to imagine a D not wanting to know e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Of course anything's possible, etc.

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  6. I did take read (most) of their responses and I decided to ask him why it was so important to him. He explained he had been cheated on and he felt the past was the past. Fair enough, now if things move ahead how do I explain the blog...mmm?
    I feel sorry for subs who are being made to feel stupid for asking a legitimate question and getting these snarky womens responses.

    Have a great day!

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  7. Well...i think you did the right thing about it: asking why.

    E/everyone comes with baggage and maybe it hurts to talk about it. Maybe they are trying to get over it.

    Either way, if a relationship is going to happen, it will most likely be talked about, when He is more comfortable and trusts you.

    To me, communication has been the key to a successful D/s relationship.

    *hugs*

    --kitten{SirW}

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  8. my Sir asks all questions about my past- but NOT because he could care one thing about another Dom or Vanilla guy, but because it allows him to understand ME. Not telling you this because there is no right or wrong way- but just something to think about.

    With regard to your BLOG- he doesn't have to read it does he? :)

    ~faithful

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  9. So, I don't mean to hijack your comments but this is the message I got from a mod on FL....

    I've deleted your comment because of the last paragraph - if you have an issue with how people are posting, contat a moderator. Don't take it upon yourself.

    The first part of your post is very valid and I would hope that you would consider re-posting it. I've copied it here for you.

    Thanks.

    Naida: about 7 hours ago| delete
    @OP .... since you are only asking for an opinion and never said that you would take anyone's word as gospel I'd have to say go with your gut. Whether you decide to ask him or not, if it doesn't feel right.. pull back. And from you asking for others opinions I'd have to assume that you aren't having great feelings about the whole thing.

    It seems that when you ask for advice around here you get shit on by "professional" responders and I hope they didn't make you feel like an idiot for asking.

    And this was my reply to that message,

    Naida: 4 seconds ago | new

    So it's quite alright for people to call other people stupid directly but not okay for someone to point it out "generally" ....
    Yeah figures

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  10. That's the thing about posting on the internet. I swear no matter WHAT you post...you will get both sides of an argument (which can be good). The problem is of course that some people are just downright nasty. =( *hugs*

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  11. I've never started a discussion on fet out of fear of that happening.... makes me admire your courage, and even more certain I dont' need to. Am going to go find your discussion and comment....

    hugs,

    aisha

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  12. Ha, found it, message left... laughing.. aisha

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  13. Thanks for the wonderful comments as always. All I ask is for honesty without the condescending attitude, I can get that from my teenagers LOL. I took a chance and did get some good feed back and some even reached out privately with advice.
    When he wrote that to me I honestly couldn't think of what to say and that is the reason I reached out. I have a habit of reacting and thinking later and I was trying to avoid that and getting off on the wrong foot. We are still talking and I am still asking questions. So thanks to everyone for your input.
    Nadia I am sorry you got deleted. :( life is bizarre.
    Love you all!!

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  14. Sorry butterfly, I'm a bit late to this post.

    I'm so sorry you were berated on Fetlife.

    I think you did the right thing in asking your new friend about his reasons for not asking you about past relationships etc. And he answered you :)

    I think that people who bully online do it because it is somewhat "anonymous." I'm sorry this happened to you.

    I read somewhere about a Submissive Creed...and one of the points was "to help other submissive women with advice etc (can't remember the whole creed...) You asked for advice which I think is "normal". Hopefully, you got some other feedback besides the ones that berated you.

    Send you a hug.

    Take care, Sky

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  15. Just read that forum and man that was a bit crazy. I really hope it didn't put you off posting forever though.

    Being on the internet does seem to make some people feel entitled and brings out their arsehole side. They say and do things that they never would in person. It's real easy to yell and judge from behind a computer screen. However there are a lot of great people out there too, even ones that responded.

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