Hair Removal 101

I will be commenting more about the Courting post I wrote at a later date.

Welcome to my version of hair removal 101 inspired by Aisha's posting, its such a popular topic with both D's and subs...remove it, let it grow, shave it, wax it, etc.

I have done all of the above and I am a licensed hair removal specialist by trade. I see both woman and men in all there glory. I love my job, making people of all types feel sexy and confident about themselves. I coach my woman clients, especially those who have children to keep their regular appointments. Because taking care of themselves is in turn taking care of their relationships. It is easy to let the kids take over your life and then your partner feels neglected and we all know where that leads.

Hair growth factors include - genetics, hormones (testosterone), stress and medications (past and present).  

Hair grows in 3 cycles Anogen - growth phase. Catagen - transition phase (end of growth). Telogen - resting. Because all of the hairs aren't on the same stage at any given time, multiple sessions are needed to get the hair in the growth stage for removal - that applies to IPL, electrolysis, laser, waxing & sugaring.

Shaving - cuts only the top of the hair off, so the hair is still there and is still growing. Depending on the factors listed you can shave right now and it can feel like you didn't even do it a few hours later.

IPL - is a light that is used to remove hair but doesn't go deep enough into the skin for it to be 100% effective and has to be used many times to achieve the desired effect. Like throwing a grenade and hoping it will land on its target. It is used overseas because it is easy to use and can be done at home. It also can cause pigmentation issues and is sometimes sold as a laser treatment. 

Laser - true laser reaches the root of the hair shaft and is very effective. Laser goes deeper than IPL and feels like a hot rubber band being snapped on your skin over and over, with cool air accompanying the process. It takes only minutes for each treatment - done in 6 sessions every 6 weeks and attacks the pigment of the hair. The treatment strength is raised each time you go so that the desired effect is achieved.

Electrolysis - uses a fine needle and electric current to remove hair and is the only approved method by the FDA for permanent hair removal. It is extremely effective but very time consuming. It feels like a mosquito bite and attacks the follicle itself. The better the quality machine the less uncomfortableness that is felt and can take from 15 to 30 sessions, depending on the area. Effective for the facial area, underarms, areola but other larger areas are time consuming because you are treating each individual hair.

Depilatories - break down the keratin and weaken the hair so that it is easily scape's off where it emerges from the hair follicle. Using a combination of hydroxide and acid. Regrowth begins to appear within 2 - 5 days. Foul odor , can cause skin irritation, leave a visible shadow of dark hair under the skin and its messy. 

Sugaring - sugar based product, similar to soft candy and has the same effect as waxing. It is cool to the touch and you can actually eat it. Now from my person point (I have used it on myself) - it hurts like a mofo! They take a piece about the size of a golf ball and it is applied to the skin to remove the hair. The problem I have with it is, its small so it feels like they are going over the area over and over, sort of like waxing the same spot 4 or 5 times.

Waxing - removes the hair from the root with either soft or hard wax. Once you start waxing you need to go every 3-4 weeks for the first 3 times - so once a month (at least) for the first 3 months. After that the hair cycles usually are growing at the same time so it will grow in less and less.
*Soft wax is the more popular product used. Its easy to use and very effective for the abdomen area, legs, back, arms or other large parts of the body. Soft wax removes the top layer of skin (exfoliates) and should not be used more than once or twice in the same area.
*Hard wax is not used as much. It is more challenging to use and it takes longer there by cutting into profits. However this is the wax of choice for the face, genital & underarm area. It is much more gentle for clients, only adheres to the hair and can be used over and over in the same area.

For the pubic area..If. you can afford laser and can bare the pain, then go for it. It is the best treatment for hair removal.

My next choice would be waxing using a combination of hard and soft wax. The hard wax is for anywhere below the pubic bone (all the way to the back crack) and the soft wax is for the inside of the legs, buttock cheeks and top of the abdomen. One week before you go start exfoliating the area with a sponge, this will help prevent ingrown hairs. Also continue to exfoliate at least one week after the treatment. Take your favorite pain reliever to help, bring a stress ball and some lavender essential oil to help you relax. Find someone you are comfortable with, ask to meet with them before your treatment (after all this is someone you are going to be baring yourself to), ask for a patch test to make sure the product doesn't irritate your skin. Ask what kind of wax they use, do they double dip or recycle wax (definite NO NO), do they wear gloves (must!!), do they give you a towel or just a piece of paper to drape yourself in. Do not go to a hair salon, go somewhere that specializes in waxing, is quiet and private.

Hair removal is a pain but necessary to some, I personally wax. I find shaving to be a hassle and like Aisha said it just grows in to quickly, plus I don't always get everything without cutting myself at least once. I am surprised that more D's don't want to be a part of the waxing process, after all there is some eroticism and pain involved.

Courtship

A little cheese with that whine, should have been the title of my last posting. I was absolutely disgusted with myself and thought about deleting part of it, but no this is about the good and the really whiny bad side of myself. Live and learn, then forgive yourself and move on.

At work today my vanilla co-worker was complaining that a women he had been texting with, only answered when he text her. He asked whats that all about? Well since he asked, I told him my opinion. I said coming from my point of view, when I first am communicating with someone...I wait for the man to take the lead. Lets face it a man wants what he doesn't have and if he is interested he will go after whatever it is - a woman, a job, a new client, a toy, etc.

For me that is what I want from a D, a man, someone who takes charge. A man is the hunter and I as a woman want to be hunted, desired. Now I know from previous comments that a D likes it when a woman fawns all over him and that is fine after he takes the reins of the relationship/courtship. Shows that he is truly interested and wants to be with that woman, capture her mind and the rest will follow. My co-worker appreciated my point of view (less any mention of D/s) and had a better understanding of where she could be coming from.

I was reading a D's profile on CM and in his journal he wrote: I may be old school but isn't it up to the submissive to keep in touch with the D? I really had to restrain myself from answering that question, even though he visits my profile often.

I like being a woman, I like being courted, I like being pursued, I like being wanted & adored - in return I will do anything for that D that has shown I am worth it. Currently I am enjoying the company of several D's and a vanilla - having fun and enjoying the ride. Let's see who takes charge and keeps my interest (working on my patience) because as I told my friend - I am like a small child who gets bored easily and distracted by shiny things, lol!

"Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl.
Then you have the mind, the body and the soul"

Memory from the past

I was contacted by a D from CM, we exchanges some emails and early this morning he contacted me again, then nothing all day. The kicker is I know he was online today because on CM it lists the last time you were online. Then tonight he emails me and picks up the conversation. So while he ignored me all day, I emailed with someone else. Someone I thought had started a conversation as a friend, then slowly it turned flirty, leaving me confused. But that's something else all together. As an observation, sometimes I feel like a play toy. How much do you give of yourself, how involved do you become only to find out that the person is only playing games with you? Sometimes as open and honest as this lifestyle is, it can also be very confusing.

The other day I was reading somebodies blog (forgive me I can't remember whose it was) and something they wrote triggered a memory. I was dating a vanilla guy and he wanted to please me, but in that "whatever you want" kind of way. He took me to the "toy store" and we picked out some restraints & blindfold to play with. The only problem was that when he used them, he also asked if this is what I wanted? is this OK? really sucked the fun out of the experience. But what I remembered about him was that one weekend when we were heading to a hotel, driving down I-95, he had me unbutton my shirt and expose my breasts so that he could fondle me as we were driving. I had completely forgotten about that and him. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the thrill of being exposed, where any other drivers could see me in his convertible. He was also the one who accidentally (his words not mine) discovered that I enjoyed having my hair pulled, he also cultivated the fact that I seem to enjoy doing things in public - elevators and cars (laughing). So I guess you could say technically he was my first brush with D/s and I do mean brush because he had no clue how to put it all together. Some things he got right and something he was WAY off.

Thoughts

"You are worthy of the best life has to offer including someone to love you. No one has the right to make you think less of yourself"
Recently two of my friends, who had met and moved in with special someone, found themselves questioning their relationships. I am sorry to say that it looks like both of them will ultimately be ending their relationships and asking the man to move out.

My friend discovered the man she had asked to move in with her and her children was a liar. He lied about when and how long he had been divorced, his job and other small things. Unfortunately once you tell a lie you have to tell more to keep from getting caught. The web of lies grows larger and with each one it becomes more unstable until it breaks apart from stress. For me it took almost a year and half until his web broke apart. This was 5 years ago in a vanilla relationship, he was a liar and I didn't see it until it was too late. Why do men & yes woman feel the need to lie when they go into a relationship? Why can't they go in and be open and honest?

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Resentment is something that builds up over time slowly. Something that gnaws at you until one day it just explodes and somebodies feelings get hurt. Now you could just blame it on the person whom you have built up the resentment against but you are just as much to blame. You let it fester inside your mind until it had become this larger than life thing that just took over any sane thoughts you may have wanted to express. If only you had said something in the beginning, maybe it would have eased your mind. There were probably many times when you could have expressed your thoughts but hoped that the other person would read your mind and figure it out.

Since that never happens, the resentment continues to build until one day when you least expect it BAMM!! The other person gets hit with a full on pile of things that spew from your mouth uncontrollably. Now I'm not saying that the other person doesn't play a part in the blame but it probably could have been avoided if you had just said something. Now sometimes you can save the relationship but sometimes you know that its just better to let it go and be done with things. Sometimes the resentment that built up and fall out the came afterwards was just too much for one or both of you to go back.

So you lose a friend or lover, hopefully you learn a valuable life lesson. Hopefully the next time you will speak up and let someone know what you are thinking instead of pushing it down, hoping it won't come back.

Collars & Other

I loved the “The Collar of Consideration" from Denversub.com/bdsm, that was given to Aisha. I felt it was such an honorable gesture for him to offer her, showing that he was serious about D's and not some flake. Also on the site are some other great reads like "What it means to be a Dominant" & "Are you a good Dominant", maybe I can use them to put together a questionnaire for perspectives. The one thing they didn't have on there was a How To go from online to real life, that would be very useful for some I have spoken with recently. Speaking of that cop, remember the who could text & yahoo, but not make an actual phone call, he messaged me today. I was talking to a friend and up he pops "hey baby girl, how are you doing?". Which part of don't message me anymore was it hard for him to understand? Well I guess if you can't operate a telephone then there must be limited mental capabilities at work.

But getting back to the collars, I am confused. There are Collars of Consideration, Training Collars & Formal Collars. What is the difference (as described) between the Consideration & the Training Collar?

I read through some of the site and found it to be another useful source for information.  All of these passages below spoke to me for one reason or another.

"A collared relationship is a serious commitment.  The Dominant is just as tied to the relationship as the submissive if it is to be a healthy relationship.   He should take the responsibility seriously.   A submissive is responsible to that Dominant at all times, not just when it pleases her to be.   She should consider carefully before agreeing to wear His collar.   Her honor is at stake".

"...very few men realize the importance that submission holds for her.   It is far more than a physical experience, it is an emotional connection with you so meaningful that it contains her very soul.   Though d/s is often very light and spontaneous and sometimes treated as a special sensual playtime, for her it is what is most real in her life.   It is NOT a game.   To treat it as such is to do her a great injustice for it trivializes her greatest expression of love".

"A woman wants a man to be strong and to protect and watch over her.   She wants to be able to relax in the safety of his arms and the world that he creates for her.   If you can do that for a woman, you will see something inside her blossom and grow, and you will marvel at the treasure you have discovered that was always inside her but which she never felt safe to reveal, so afraid was she that it would not be appreciated for the incredible gift which it is".

"In order for her to be submissive, YOU must be in charge of her in a very real and definite way.   Remember that this manual is written for the sub who wants her submission to be a daily part of her life and the more she feels she is under your control and care, the happier a slave girl she will be.   It is very confusing for her if your control is just within the context of a scene and does not carry over into the rest of your relationship.   It will help if you think of your control as being an integral part of your relationship rather than an "imposition" on her.   The more you see her enthusiasm and gratitude in response to your actions, the easier it will become for you".

"It is very thrilling for your sub to know she is subject to your discipline.  She wants rules and limits set for her and knows that there will be consequences for not obeying them.   If there are no consequence then she cannot feel the control that she longs for.   Accepting a spanking where the focus is on correcting her behavior rather than for her own pleasure is proof of her submission to you.   It makes your control of her very real".

"One very *hot* erotic trigger for many subs is having their hair pulled.   Not in a hurtful way, but as a very sensual experience.   For many women, this can be an extremely powerful turn on and you may be surprised by her reaction.   Call her over to you and caress her hair for a moment before gathering it up in your hands before firmly pulling her face toward you for a passionate kiss -- she will melt in a puddle on the floor!"

That last one was the trigger for me very early on, before I even realized what D/s was about. Still gets me today!

Whole lot of nothing

There has been a whole lot of this and not a lot of that. Somebody turned on the D's faucet and forgot to turn it off. The emails have been pouring in, but before you get too excited :) lets go through the line up.

The cop it turns out doesn't know how to operate a telephone, which is strange because you would think with all the equipment in their cars and the fact that they have guns, that he would know (scratching my head). He was great on emails and texts but couldn't quite make to the grown up table. Even after I put and end to it, he still kept writing - I think he had an online fetish.

There was a Greek guy who I really tried hard to understand but I had to throw my hands up because I couldn't. I tried, I really tried.

There is a local writer who has befriended me, he occasionally invites me to keep him company on yahoo while he's working. It's fun to banter back and forth with someone who is intelligent and has a sense of humor.

Then there is the other local guy who messages me while I'm talking to the writer. This guy is the total opposite, has nothing to say and can't keep a conversation going to save his life. However I did agree to have coffee with him at some point, just because I try to keep an open mind - maybe he just is bad online and good in person (a girl can dream).

Trying to open myself up a little more I was talking to a man who travels here for business once a month for a week. We had plans to meet until I found out he was staying an hour away. I told him it was to far for me to travel - work, kids, life, etc. He must have had a back up because after we had been talking for a week, I never heard from him again after I mentioned it.

Another guy who has contacted me before and is always checking out my profile on two sites, wrote me and said I had been checking out his profile for the last 4 days - ??  I told him I hadn't looked at his profile since I accepted his persistant friend request weeks ago. Anyway my guard was down and I couldn't remember what had happened before so I responded in a positive way to open the door. Only to be met with crickets, maybe the universe was stepping in for my lack of memory.

Then I have tons of guys who contact me with what I would equate to a vanilla dating sites winks, smiles, etc. Those things you do when you want to get someones attention but you don't want to look like your trying to hard. They write an email asking me how I am doing, how is the search going, having any luck, how is your day going, marry me???        What is that? Why even bother writing?

So there is no action going on here just me an my clothes pin, unless of course I log onto yahoo and that guy catches me and holds me to my coffee date, lol!

On a much happier note - Congratulations to Aisha for finding him, so very happy for her!! Doing the Happy Dance :)

D/s & DD?

I was asked how I felt about Domestic Discipline...mmm? It was followed up with, the discipline would be for not following the rules.

My immediate answer was I don't know? I definitely don't want to be afraid of the person I am with. On the other hand I also feel within a loving & trusting relationship that is evolving and growing something I may not like in the beginning I may grow to embrace later. I know that one of the failures of my previous relationship was him not being able to discipline for something he felt I had done wrong. Ultimately I came to realize later that this was something I wanted, needed, I wanted a firm hand to be reminded if I strayed. I almost feel like it is a form of love, that the person would care enough in a calm and rational manor to let me know I had done something wrong and that this was why I was being disciplined. Granted I may not always agree but knowing I had disappointed him would probably trump those feelings.

So I asked what would the rules be? There were a couple thrown out as an example - you must wear less clothes than he when at home, must be willing to give pleasure two times a day - there were several others but I can't remember them. Then I got confused because none of things mentioned seemed out of the normal. What is the difference between Domestic Discipline and D/s relationship.

So I turned to good old Google, my friend, my pal, my know it all. I came up with several that caught my eye (I  am sure there are hundreds but I only chose these).

Seekers. "The term BDSM encompasses the full spectrum of three elements: bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism. Those who practice BDSM choose which of these elements to include in their own play. Many include all three, and others are interested in only one aspect. There's a lot of freedom within the category. Some practitioners of Domestic Discipline also engage in some aspect of BDSM, but others do not."

Finding our Way said "BDSM is a type of role play or lifestyle choice between two or more individuals who use their experiences of pain and power to create sexual tension, pleasure, and release."

I never thought of TTWD as role play, I think of it as a way of life. I never thought there was a difference between D/s & Domestic Discipline. I thought it was all combined into one or maybe its because that is a combination I crave. I am thinking that DD is a term used within vanilla relationships and in a D/s relationship discipline is more the normal maybe? I guess things like corner time, kneeling time, etc are more maintenance to avoid being disciplined?

PS Yes I know that there are other discipline actions besides spanking, that are probably way worse (shudder) but for the purposes of wrapping my head around things, its just spanking for today.

Deviant wanted for questioning

Again this week has been busy, busy and I haven't had time to post. I have been distracted with work, kids & school and some other stuff (giggle). I have been exploring an exciting opportunity (giggle) that has been occupying any free time I might have.

So on to what I can share, I am a thief and deviant. Yes that's right, sweet little'ol me. I love to read a ton of bdsm as you know, not recently (giggle) - focus! - and they always mention different toys and implements being used. So I got curious, at first I thought about buying something. I looked on line but I wasn't sure if they were right or they would work, etc.Then I thought about going to the cute little pink sexy store not to far away, but even that never materialized - too busy. So then I thought ok I've heard about clothes pins being used, simple, easy to get, ok I've got this.

So I went to Tar'get and you know what? They didn't have any. So I forgot about them for a few days and then when I was in Publix grocery shopping - milk, eggs, bread, clothes pins for nipples. Well they had them but (and I thought this was going to be simple) the only ones they had were a bag of 50. Now I know some of you would love to get your hands on 50 clothes pins (you know who you are) but I just really needed 1 at least 2 if possible. So needless to say I passed, but not before I opened the package to see what they would feel like. Yes I am one of those people who doesn't hesitate to open something in the store. Try it there or return it later, its your choice and I like to make things simple. NO I didn't put them on in the store, I put it on my finger silly. They were the plastic ones and they were tight.

Fast forward to a week or two later and I am with my child, senior picture day. We are at the studio waiting our turn and if all you old folks can remember back to when you got your senior pictures taken they only photograph from the waist up. The boys wear shirt, jacket, bow tie and girls wear a shawl type piece of fabric, I remember wearing some type of feathery type thing also. So this shawl that the girls wear is one size fits all and to hold it in place - that's right you guessed it...a clothes pin. Now I didn't steal it from some poor girl, I was sitting waiting innocently and there was one on the chair next to me. Obviously some devine intervention was at hand and who am I to say no to the universe. So I boosted the clothes pin, very casually. I played with it for a while so I didn't look to obvious and then I attached it to the paperwork I was carrying, just in case some representative came over to accuse me of stealing. I walked around with it the entire time and when it was time to go, I slipped it into my purse. I haven't stolen anything since I was in Middle School at the convenience store near school - jolly ranchers - I'm the reason they only let a few kids into 7-11 at one time.

So I took my coveted clothes pin home and placed it next to my bed. The next time I was alone, I tried it out - in 3 spots. I enjoyed all 3 and a Hitachi massage - several times for research purposes because you can't just try it once, you need to make sure that it wasn't just a fluke the first time - check, double and triple check!! Just a side note: when I placed it on, I did it gently so it wasn't bad. But I know that won't be the case in the hands of someone else (giggle).