I was contacted by a D from CM, we exchanges some emails and early this morning he contacted me again, then nothing all day. The kicker is I know he was online today because on CM it lists the last time you were online. Then tonight he emails me and picks up the conversation. So while he ignored me all day, I emailed with someone else. Someone I thought had started a conversation as a friend, then slowly it turned flirty, leaving me confused. But that's something else all together. As an observation, sometimes I feel like a play toy. How much do you give of yourself, how involved do you become only to find out that the person is only playing games with you? Sometimes as open and honest as this lifestyle is, it can also be very confusing.
The other day I was reading somebodies blog (forgive me I can't remember whose it was) and something they wrote triggered a memory. I was dating a vanilla guy and he wanted to please me, but in that "whatever you want" kind of way. He took me to the "toy store" and we picked out some restraints & blindfold to play with. The only problem was that when he used them, he also asked if this is what I wanted? is this OK? really sucked the fun out of the experience. But what I remembered about him was that one weekend when we were heading to a hotel, driving down I-95, he had me unbutton my shirt and expose my breasts so that he could fondle me as we were driving. I had completely forgotten about that and him. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the thrill of being exposed, where any other drivers could see me in his convertible. He was also the one who accidentally (his words not mine) discovered that I enjoyed having my hair pulled, he also cultivated the fact that I seem to enjoy doing things in public - elevators and cars (laughing). So I guess you could say technically he was my first brush with D/s and I do mean brush because he had no clue how to put it all together. Some things he got right and something he was WAY off.