What is chemistry? The catalyst for the relationship, animal attraction between two people that is purely physical. This connection appeals to the five senses. Chemistry is when the pleasure centers of the brain are engaged.

How do you know if you have chemistry with someone? You have chemistry when you know it is easy, when your goal for the day is to get back to that person. When you think about that person and just smile. You experience a rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath or that rush of adrenaline, skin may flush or have a weakness in the knees. Its that combination of psychological arousal combined with a feeling of pleasure.

Can you create chemistry with someone who you're not initially feeling it with? Some say yes and some say no. I think having constant contact with someone over weeks or months, it can build up and you can develop chemical bonding. Eye contact and discussing personal subjects can accelerate that bond.

Can you tell if you have chemistry with someone online or on the phone, or do you need to meet them in person? I think you can tell if you are compatible online but you can't tell if you have chemistry until you meet them in person. Eye to eye contact is important in transmitting emotions.

How long does it take to know if you have chemistry with someone? 5 minutes. Good chemistry equals moving forward and bad chemistry equals keep looking.

What is more important, chemistry or compatibility? Chemistry is most important, you can have compatibility with lots of people but chemistry is the rarer of the two. Chemistry is the connection that you have with someone. Compatibility is a partnership of similar goals. Compatibility cannot overcome a lack of chemistry. A combination of both is ideal and are what most people are seeking.


We met, there was no chemistry. It just wasn't there. He asked me if I could pin point what chemistry was so he could go buy it. I said it was an intangible quality that was either there or not.  He felt that since we had the same goals and wants that we should just try. I told him it would be wrong to lead him him somewhere I didn't think it could go. He was hurt, confused and I felt bad but I knew it was the right decision.

As my friend would say - Next...


  1. No good asking me, flutterby - I flunked Chemistry at school :) but as you say, it is intangible There is no ready formula. While the 'Next' waits in the wings I will wish you a happy World Smile Day :)

  2. You knew it was the right decision.

    That is all you need it to be!

  3. I'm sorry that there was no chemistry. You made the right decision. Keep smiling :)

    Take care. Sky

  4. I completely agree- I met Master on a plane (yep.. really) and it was immediate- not 5 minutes but 5 seconds. It was a force like no other and we both knew- instantly.

    It is not something that requires explanation.

    It is either there.. or it is not.

    NEXT indeed!


  5. :-(

    Taking a moment to mourn the possibility...

    Hoping for the best next time around!



  6. When the chemistry is there, you just know it. You should not settle, move on, it will be there! abby

  7. You either have it or you don't.

    I agree, NEXT......


  8. Yes, and when you just do. There isn't a whole lot of guesswork involved :)

    We have it. We love and fight passionately. When he walks into the room, I feel it between us. I couldn't settle for less.

  9. Dear butterfly,

    One thing i can see about you is that you know who you are and what you want and will not settle for less than "Him" so it does not really matter what anyone thinks, but you. you have to do what's right for you...period.



  10. I agree. If you don't feel it - don't force it, just move on. When it's there you won't have to force it because it just is.

    I'd have to disagree with the online chemistry not being evident. Each person is different. I know for me, I have been able to tell online whether chemistry went along with compatibility -- and I was right both times -- when I thought it was and when I knew it wasn't there.

  11. I do agree that chemistry is a "face-to-face" thing and that it is absolutely the make or break of any budding relationship. Unfortunately, even if it is there, it doesn't mean that things will work out, although it's a sure thing they won't if it's not. Hang on in there. Alice.