Remember

It's no surprise that there was family drama this holiday. We have one black sheep that came home for the holidays and it caused drama like our family has never seen. The details are unimportant, every family has that person that causes problems at the cost of every one's feelings, so I am sure you can relate.

When we all sat down for the "family discussion" my brother took the lead, he calmly stated his position and was very firm about his feelings. I was very proud of him. He mentioned that the elder man in our family had not put his family first but had instead chosen the black sheep above us all. My sister in law chimed in and told how my brother had handled a business situation for her and how it had made her life much easier. I was surprised by this statement because I had given her The Surrendered Wife book several year ago and everything that she was saying came right from the pages. I didn't think she had read it or believed in it. I smiled to myself because I was happy that she had taken it seriously, because their marriage had been teetering at that time.

As I sat back and watched my brother handle the situation and his wife support him, I realized that is what I missed in my life. I was so glad he was there to take control because it was something that could have brought irreparable harm to our family. That moment at the table I felt relieved and protected because my brother had stepped up, something I haven't felt in a while.

Through all of this dating and searching I had begun to lose site of what I wanted, instead I had become numb from the moronic men I had been coming across. I had even begun to question if I wanted to date at all, I was burned out. That last one was so BAD that I didn't want to even be near a man. But as I listened to my brother defend us to the family member, I remembered what I wanted. I want to find someone who will be there to put himself between me and the problem, I want a knight in shining armor.

I read a posting from kitty the other day about just this subject. Daddy had stepped up to protect kitty against the anonymous blogging commenter, it was beautiful - he was her knight in shining armor.

PS
Thanks for the comment, nice to see you are talking to me again - even if I do live here in Florida I'm only an email away.

WRM - Follow Up

First I have to say I finally figured out when I copy and paste the words turn up with a white back round (and it makes me crazy) - sorry, I will be more careful.

Follow up to comments from yesterdays Wanted Well-Rounded Man posting.

Cowboy - I love a man with a sense of humor, so thank you for the giggle. Those weren't the replies, those were the introductions. If someone sends me a decent introduction then I write back to let them know if I am interested, either way. Unless of course they were just disgusting then I just block them. I am even OK with a vague profile, it can all be discussed in emails or chat. What gets me is the "what would you like to know about me". If you can't answer a simple question with a simple conversation starting answer then you don't deserve my attention. I almost feel like it is a test to see if they can take the lead, because after all they are the Dom and I need to feel that from the beginning.

Anonymous - I understand that emails sent to perspective subs aren't always answered, I have heard that from other men. I know if I don't feel we are match I won't hesitate to let you know, but that's just me. But just like vanilla dating it takes time and patience. Not everyone you think is beautiful is attracted to you or your profile for one reason or another.
In my opinion the  first correspondence should be short and simple, a little more than "hey hows it going" or "daddy knows what you want", but something that catches my attention and lures me in to responding. KISS - keep it simple stupid (no offense). If we don't all keep trying we may just miss the best thing since sliced bread.

William - CM is no different than any other dating site. I hear the same complaints from friends on Match and E Harmony. There are jerks and bitches everywhere.

Southern Sir - My profile on CM tells about what I want, doesn't give to much personal info but all of that can be filled in for the right man. I have seen men with one line or even nothing, that doesn't exclude them from my interest. Where they f-ck it up is in the response and that is sad because this should be their time to shine. By responding positively I have shown interest, all they have to do is show me what they've got.

Sky - Don't be sorry, its the "have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince" situation. Good luck wading back into the pool! Can't wait to hear all about your trials online.

Florida Dom - If only there were more like you. Really men think we are complicated but really its very simple. By the way - who told you the secret, lol!

Aisha - What you and Sir X have it unique, you know that after having been on the dating scene for so long. You have found that one in a million. Hugs to you!

Remember this is just my point of view as a submissive woman. I can't speak for others and certainly can't speak for men. I can only learn, grow and keep moving forward searching for someone to share myself with. I will make mistakes, change my mind about what I am looking for and have fun all at the same time but always keeping my sense of humor.

PS:
Turns out the guy who I blew up on, is new to the lifestyle but his apology to me was pretty great.

"No I do not believe that the paragraph explains who I am.  It just explains what I am hoping share for the remainder of life.  No, I am a complex giving person seeking the same.  I reached out to you because of you wonderful words.  I do appreciate your response.  I know ANY relationship be it family, friends or co-workers can be successful when trust and honesty exist without exception.  I did not have the right to invade you space without first clearing a path.  For that I am sorry".

Unfortunately he turned out to be someone who needs some guidance and I am not a topping from the bottom kind of girl, so I offered my friendship instead.

Wanted: Well Rounded Man

Wanted: a man who loves this lifestyle and can hold a normal conversation and not just spew out ridiculous statements about D's.

I was talking with a friend the other day and I posed a question...why is it the men who contact me are so focused on D's. So much so that its all they talk about. They can't seem to hold a conversation about regular things. Don't get me wrong I love D's and everything about it, but I clearly state in my profile that I am looking for someone who is well rounded. I believe this is truly the mark of a quality man. Instead I get these ridiculous one line introductions from men who are having a conversation with themselves. No where in these statements is there something that says I would like to start a conversation with you, it says I want to Dom you and the hell with what you want.

  • "Are you owned?"
  • "Do you want to give me your mind?"
  • "Holding your heart in the palm of my hand"
  • "Elusive combination...is a good thing...the mind...then the body"
  • "Capturing ones mind...yes"
  • "I appreciate you"
  • "Daddy would love to put you on your knees and teach you"
  • "You need to kneel and worship"
  • "I am new in the area and looking for a women like yourself that can service both our need"
  • "Dominant male seeking a true submissive. Looking forward to being serviced by you"
  • "I'm your man, call and will give you homework"

Yes after I read these I just want to fall at your feet, lol! It reminds me of walking by a construction job site and some guy calling out something like "you want a piece of this" while holding his equipment. Does he think that the woman is going to say "yes you are just what I have been waiting for".

Really this whole conversation was set off by yet another man who talked at me instead of to me (I have noticed that I get a lot of emails that talk at me and not to me). Yes we have the same position but we already know this, we are both on CM. Even after he sent this I tried to get him to have a conversation with me and he tried but then resorted back to more of the D's stuff because that was all he could talk to me about, I felt sorry for him.

"The relationship, you seek is similar to the one I seek.  There is more to D/s than positions, pain for pain sake, etc.  It is that shared secret that allows for greater intimacy, communication and beyond that a mutual adoration. But that is the problem with so many in this  "lifestyle."  It is part of a lifestyle, not the entire thing.  There is a point where you have something to do other than sex and there needs to be that connection at all levels.  It is difficult enough to find someone with whom you can share that in a pure vanilla relationship.  You add in D/s and it reduces the number who understand that intelligence is part of the attractiveness, that an appreciation of art, music, theatre, travel, etc. are all part of the relationship; and you have truly reduced the numbers down".


Then I mentioned to my friend that I am able to hold normal conversations with other Dom's without an issue. Which leads me to wonder if it's easier to let a relationship come from a friendship? Is the pressure from both parties too great because they want it so bad? ....or are they simply relationship retarded :)

PS:
I was contacted by a man who seemed normal, good introduction and was happy when I replied. OK so far so good. He let me know that he wouldn't be able to answer my message until the next day.  I had asked him to please tell me about himself. Keep in mind that his profile was a couple of sentences strictly about wanting a D/s relationship. No problem. The next day when he wrote back he said: my profile says exactly what I am looking for, what else would you like to know about me and can you please send me another picture. The poor bastard never knew what hit him.

In my defense it really wasn't him so much as it was just an accumulation of others, he just caught me at a moment of...well a lack of self control an insane moment. My answer to him was:

"Do you really believe that the paragraph that is your profile explains who you are? If so then you are very one dimensional and we are not a match. My profile clearly states that I am looking for someone to get to know me and build a relationship of trust. No you can't have another picture, you haven't earned my trust, you haven't even made an effort to get to know me or even explain why you are reaching out to someone in another state. I am not the one who should be leading the conversation, you reached out to me - you are supposed to be the dominant one".

Yes I know...A little lot over the top. It was an impulse reaction to a combination of others who had come before him, he just happened to be the one who got shot. Maybe it was the holidays, family, turkey or maybe I had just had enough bullshit. The world will never know how many bad responses it takes before this submissive just implodes. By the way he wrote back and apologized, I also apologized for over reacting.

Vacation Sunday

"It’s hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That’s part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can’t refuse anything and can’t even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”

Cherise Sinclair






This is one of my favorites and the end of my vacation, we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog postings. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Vacation Saturday

Respect the woman,
Desire the slut
Cherish the little girl
then you have the mind, the body and the soul

Vacation Friday

Seduce my mind and you can have my body

Find my soul and I'm yours forever

Happy Thanksgiving Humor

WARNING: this posting is NOT fuzzy, warm and full of thankfulness!!
 
Yes the family is here

This is what I wanted to do

Gratuitous Sexual cartoon


Then of course there's the shopping games...which begin at midnight after the dishes have been done


After dinner activities


Ok here's what we'll do - you get the Halo Anniversary Edition: UNSC Warthog and I'll go for the Cabbage Patch Kids Limited Vintage Edition. Who ever gets done first goes for the Transformers Dark of the Moon Optimus Prime. Remember failure is not an option.


Happy Holiday!

Vacation Wednesday

When a woman submits its because she has found the strength to do so. The belief in herself to take on such a role she can only do so when she feels unconditional love and soul guiding trust. She has to understand her purpose and how important she is to Him and how important she is to herself.

Vacation Tuesday

My soul is his, as bare to his touch as ever my skin could be when I kneel naked at his feet. Never a moment goes by when I do not feel his presence, be he miles away or standing over me. If I were to ever displease him, his displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any lashes could be. The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint him is harder to bear than the physical anguish I feel when his belt caresses me with fire.
I spend my days knowing that the energy and thought he puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for his, and look forward to each lovingly crafted scene that we do together. His part is much harder than mine, and I know this and am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend his time and energy so freely on me. I have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to him. I am his pleasure and his responsibility, and he takes both seriously.

Vacation Monday

Marilyn Monroe

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

Education

Recently kitten for Sir wrote about furthering her bdsm education and posted an article from Iron Gate about Qualities of a Successful Dominant. I went to Iron Gate because I am always trying to learn something new, but what stood out to me were some passages that hit home from previous relationships. There are other articles on this site relating to everything from Dom's to subs and everything in between.

"...But "getting back" at a resistant or upset submissive who's wounded you by your withdrawing from her physically or emotionally or through angry punishment or emotional rages of your own will simply ensure that your relationship quickly becomes conventional in terms of power. Your submissive learns that you can't control yourself, that you have no clue about how to deal with her passive-aggressive or manipulative attempts at resisting you, or that you are a coward who runs away from confrontation. In other words, she learns that, instead of being the great and wonderful dominant that you appeared to be on line, you're really just an angry, scared, or wounded little child who is no more emotionally mature than she".

"Learning not to respond narcissistically--i.e., with anger, personal affront, hurt, or defensiveness--when she behaves in a resisting or manipulative way, is part of self-control. Instead of overreacting, a self-controlled dominant will rationally and over time devise workable strategies based on his intimate knowledge of his submissive that discourage the behavior and attitudes he dislikes".

"The most common form of running away, of abdicating the dominant's responsibility, is to blame all the relationship problems on the submissive, pretending that she is ultimately the responsible one".

Once you stop learning, you start dying...Albert Einstein

VBA

I would like to thank the academy...no I didn't make the top 100 bloggers (Congratulations to all those who did, we are so proud of you and all your kinkiness) but I did get nominated for a VBA. Yes that's right a VBA (scratching my head), no I had never heard of it either. Apparently someone out there loved me enough to include me in their award posting.

My favorite male sub Clive gave me VBA...and now I feel all itchy.  Thanks Clive :)
The Versatile Blogger Award was given to me by Clive from Clives Journey (who has sent me pictures of butterfly's from England) and all I can think is follow the instructions (there are a lot of moving parts to this) and don't screw it up.

Then Cuddlykitten at Finding Myself also included me in her list. I feel so loved!! She has a well written blog about trying to figure how to make her life work with BDSM. Good read and she gives coupon tips!

So thank you (blowing kisses) to Clive & Cuddlykitten (your $50 is in the mail) for your love and support here in blogging world!

  1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post
  2. Share 7 things about yourself
  3. Pass this award along to 15 blogs you enjoy reading
  4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award

7 Things about myself:

1. I love the color pink and all things that are pink and sparkly
2. I like to drive fast with the top down, windows open, radio blaring - especially at night
3. I want to win the lottery so I can have a new set of sheets (Egyptian cotton 2000 thread count) every month and someone to wash & change them every day
4. I love my children, they have turned into quite amazing miniature adults
5. I love diet coke from a fountain with a certain type of ice (laugh now she's insane)
6. I love statues & pictures of woman (no I'm not bi) - the female form is just so soft and flowing (maybe that's why I have such an issue with men sending me their business pictures, even though I love them in person photo's are not quite the same)
7. I love Winnie the Pooh

15 Blogs I enjoy
**First these are in particular order and second this was very difficult because there are so many great blogs out there, so please don't feel slighted if you weren't mentioned - I love everyone of them for different reasons

1. Aisha - I have been enjoying Aisha's blog for a while and have felt very much a part of her life, always an encouraging word.
2. A Dauntless Journey - always has such great advice and you know when he writes a comment, he really put some thought into what he has to say, just like his posts. He is the kind of man I would like to find.
3. A Masters Viewpoint of the BDSM World - sort of like a text book with a human point of view.
4. Sexual Dynamics: Memoirs of a Disciplined Dom - he was my first...the first blog I read about BDSM. He has such a way of writing that made me read his entire blog - start to finish.
5. Vanillamoms Blog - one of my favorite story tellers. Sometimes a little dark and sometimes a little fluffy but always interesting.
6. Finding my Submission - open and honest about her long distance relationship and how she makes it all work.
7. Kitten for Sir - she is a happy, very centered special friend who has found happiness in the land of D's.
8. A Neo Dom's Journey - a dominant man trying to navigate his marriage into the world of D's, honest and from the heart.
9. A Kind Dom - a man who is not afraid to say I'm Dominant but I don't know it all, there is always something new to learn.
10. A Desire to Yield - my beautiful friend sky is just finding her way in the world of D's.
11. The Collar - a wonderful journey with a happy ending and even though she doesn't write often she will always be in my heart.
12. Submission & Metaphor - excellent writer and has really given me some things to think about regarding a different type of relationship.
13. A Hidden Slave - a wonderful woman with a big heart trying to navigate her way through the ups and downs.
14. Florida Dom's Corner - found him because he's in the same state but stayed with him because he always has something to say. His Lisa stories were worth reading twice.
15. Beautiful Submission - as I was reading back through her postings, I came across How to Survive a Breakup in a BDSM relationship. Excellent posting and one that meant a lot to me at the time but I never really told her - Thank you.

Thank you to all of these blogs and the ones I didn't get to mention - you have all added such value to my life.

PS I was searching for a picture to put with the blog when I came across Betty White and just started cracking up. I know usually I put in a naked picture so scroll down and see her before picture - its all in your attitude!




 

Oops

Special Note: To all Veterans, Thank You for your service and sacrifice!

I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that I forgot to thank the lurkers. The ones who visit my blog from all over the world. So THANK YOU!

Regarding the comments from Guilty Lurker:

Sky - You always have such wonderful and positive things to say. I know you will figure it all out with regards to your D.

Florida Dom - Thank you for your comments and for your Lisa stories, which I enjoyed reading recently and I look forward to more from you.

Kitten for Sir - You are a wonderful soul and I always appreciate your comments & postings (all of them).

LittleOne - Thank you for your comment and I am looking forward to reading your blog - little precious one.

Masters piece - Thank you, always nice to see you.

beingaisha - Thank you, I love you, I love your blog (lurk there often).

Southern Sir - Thank you for your comments as always.

a hidden slave - yes I do believe that we share a similar anniversary - Congratulations to you also! We
                        are on a wild ride together.

Anonymous 1 - Thank you for lurking.

Anonymous 2 - I am always looking for a new read and would love it if you would share your writings with us.

Kitty - Thank you and I lurk on yours often.

faithful - You always have something wonderful and insightful so thank you for your thoughts.

Lurkers - Thank you for coming back again and again, I appreciate your lurking and would even encourage you to share your thoughts.  Hello to the ones (and you know who you are) that make me wonder why you still read my blog.

Guilty Lurker

Bless me blogger it's been 3 weeks since my last confession posting.
I have been fed up with my molasses computer
I have been busy with work, family and friends
I have been volunteering
I have been enjoying my child's last year in high school
I have been uninterested in the whole dating process
I have been guilty of not answering my comments
I have been guilty of lurking

Yes, I have been doing a lot of lurking these last few weeks. People have been sending me messages to make sure I am still around, thank you for your concern. Everything is fine here. But I am pretty sure that D's are out of season right now and all that's left are the weird fruits that nobody to try. Like buddha's hand, horned melon, monstera deliciosa - and I've met every single one of them. Take it from me - NOBODY wants to touch them. 

Last week was my one year anniversary - 1 year of blogging/1 year of discovering what I want. I've learned so much about myself and what I want in my life. I've also learned what I don't want and what not to do.

I've discovered that there are so many unsatisfied men that are married and looking for more. I used to think they were just cheating to cheat but I realize that for some its so much more. I got out of my marriage but for some its not an option (for whatever reason) because of kids, finances, circumstances, etc.

I have found that there are a lot of men who are happy just having an online relationship. I tried it and it wasn't for me, I need physical contact.

I have found that some men are very proud to show off their equipment, on profiles or emails. They put it all out there and some of them shouldn't. Some of them need to put their clothes back on and present themselves in a better light. Remember everything looks better in candle light.

I have also noticed that not very men can pull off leather pants, chaps, leather thong or whatever. Some look like they are part of the Village People. Also for those of you on CM, there are some very undomly looking pics on profiles. If they didn't have Dominant written under their pics I would say they were switches or subs.

I have also noticed that men love to take pictures of themselves in their bathrooms. Now that's OK but clean it up first. Nobody wants to see your dirty clothes strewn around the floor or the toilet bowl open behind you. You are trying to get a woman not scare them away.

Some men send their worst picture, tell you its their worst and say but I don't look anything like it. Huh?? If you were selling a car wouldn't you wash and wax it first? Make it look the best it can so you can attract a buyer? Think of dating as just like selling a car - take a bath, put on some clothes for gods sake and have SOMEBODY else take your picture. Also (while I'm on my tirade about pictures) people change, so that picture you posted 5 years ago - it doesn't look like you anymore...put up a NEW one. When we meet you, we want to know what you look like today, not not 1 -10 yrs ago. Update your picture!

OH and another thing...nobody is stealing your picture and using it for research. So that lame excuse about not being able to send a picture because somebody stole it, doesn't fly. If your computer doesn't have one, then use your phone to take one, or use your friends to take one. Ask your neighbors kid to take your picture and upload it to your computer moron! (ok picture tirade over).

I have noticed that some men want to sleep with you but god forbid you try to have a discussion with them or get them to write a descent email. I once read...you can't keep her chained to the bed forever, eventually you have to go to the grocery store...so get to know each other. I am seduced by someone between my ears before my legs (unless they are really good, then both).

I have learned that good writing does not translate over into good chemistry. Meeting the person on the other end of the emails, phone, etc is so critical....that would have to be the most important lesson I have learned in my year of adventure.

I have discovered that I am more accepting of different relationships than what is considered the "norm". I am more open to trying new things (with someone I trust).

I have made a lot of new friends here in blog land that have translated into my everyday, for that I am grateful. I am very glad I decided to take this journey last year and even though things are slow have stalled, I feel that I am stronger, more experienced and wiser than I was a year ago. I am looking forward to the next year and whatever it may bring.

As for my lurking, I will still do it because I enjoy reading the other blogs - there are some phenomenal writers out there. Sometimes I comment but most times I won't, unless I am extremely passionate about something. Some I will read and it will inspire my thoughts. Some I feel intimidated to leave comments on, some already have enough comments on and I think do they really need me to repeat what was already written and sometimes all I have is my Iphone and the keys are just too small. So keep writing, leaving comments and I will try to answer more and I will defiantely keep lurking on other blogs.

Happy Lurkers Day!!