Recently kitten for Sir wrote about furthering her bdsm education and posted an article from Iron Gate about Qualities of a Successful Dominant. I went to Iron Gate because I am always trying to learn something new, but what stood out to me were some passages that hit home from previous relationships. There are other articles on this site relating to everything from Dom's to subs and everything in between.

"...But "getting back" at a resistant or upset submissive who's wounded you by your withdrawing from her physically or emotionally or through angry punishment or emotional rages of your own will simply ensure that your relationship quickly becomes conventional in terms of power. Your submissive learns that you can't control yourself, that you have no clue about how to deal with her passive-aggressive or manipulative attempts at resisting you, or that you are a coward who runs away from confrontation. In other words, she learns that, instead of being the great and wonderful dominant that you appeared to be on line, you're really just an angry, scared, or wounded little child who is no more emotionally mature than she".

"Learning not to respond narcissistically--i.e., with anger, personal affront, hurt, or defensiveness--when she behaves in a resisting or manipulative way, is part of self-control. Instead of overreacting, a self-controlled dominant will rationally and over time devise workable strategies based on his intimate knowledge of his submissive that discourage the behavior and attitudes he dislikes".

"The most common form of running away, of abdicating the dominant's responsibility, is to blame all the relationship problems on the submissive, pretending that she is ultimately the responsible one".

Once you stop learning, you start dying...Albert Einstein


  1. Those are really great quotes. I'm going to have to check out the Iron Gate now. Thanks for sharing!

  2. I will have to check out that sight as well. I still have much to learn myself. Thank you for sharing it.


  3. Interesting stuff - thanks for sharing - I'll have to go check out The Iron Gate too!


  4. Very interesting. Thank you butterfly. I find lots of great infirmation in the Iron Gate.

    Take care. Sky