Wanted: Well Rounded Man

Wanted: a man who loves this lifestyle and can hold a normal conversation and not just spew out ridiculous statements about D's.

I was talking with a friend the other day and I posed a question...why is it the men who contact me are so focused on D's. So much so that its all they talk about. They can't seem to hold a conversation about regular things. Don't get me wrong I love D's and everything about it, but I clearly state in my profile that I am looking for someone who is well rounded. I believe this is truly the mark of a quality man. Instead I get these ridiculous one line introductions from men who are having a conversation with themselves. No where in these statements is there something that says I would like to start a conversation with you, it says I want to Dom you and the hell with what you want.

  • "Are you owned?"
  • "Do you want to give me your mind?"
  • "Holding your heart in the palm of my hand"
  • "Elusive combination...is a good thing...the mind...then the body"
  • "Capturing ones mind...yes"
  • "I appreciate you"
  • "Daddy would love to put you on your knees and teach you"
  • "You need to kneel and worship"
  • "I am new in the area and looking for a women like yourself that can service both our need"
  • "Dominant male seeking a true submissive. Looking forward to being serviced by you"
  • "I'm your man, call and will give you homework"

Yes after I read these I just want to fall at your feet, lol! It reminds me of walking by a construction job site and some guy calling out something like "you want a piece of this" while holding his equipment. Does he think that the woman is going to say "yes you are just what I have been waiting for".

Really this whole conversation was set off by yet another man who talked at me instead of to me (I have noticed that I get a lot of emails that talk at me and not to me). Yes we have the same position but we already know this, we are both on CM. Even after he sent this I tried to get him to have a conversation with me and he tried but then resorted back to more of the D's stuff because that was all he could talk to me about, I felt sorry for him.

"The relationship, you seek is similar to the one I seek.  There is more to D/s than positions, pain for pain sake, etc.  It is that shared secret that allows for greater intimacy, communication and beyond that a mutual adoration. But that is the problem with so many in this  "lifestyle."  It is part of a lifestyle, not the entire thing.  There is a point where you have something to do other than sex and there needs to be that connection at all levels.  It is difficult enough to find someone with whom you can share that in a pure vanilla relationship.  You add in D/s and it reduces the number who understand that intelligence is part of the attractiveness, that an appreciation of art, music, theatre, travel, etc. are all part of the relationship; and you have truly reduced the numbers down".

Then I mentioned to my friend that I am able to hold normal conversations with other Dom's without an issue. Which leads me to wonder if it's easier to let a relationship come from a friendship? Is the pressure from both parties too great because they want it so bad? ....or are they simply relationship retarded :)

I was contacted by a man who seemed normal, good introduction and was happy when I replied. OK so far so good. He let me know that he wouldn't be able to answer my message until the next day.  I had asked him to please tell me about himself. Keep in mind that his profile was a couple of sentences strictly about wanting a D/s relationship. No problem. The next day when he wrote back he said: my profile says exactly what I am looking for, what else would you like to know about me and can you please send me another picture. The poor bastard never knew what hit him.

In my defense it really wasn't him so much as it was just an accumulation of others, he just caught me at a moment of...well a lack of self control an insane moment. My answer to him was:

"Do you really believe that the paragraph that is your profile explains who you are? If so then you are very one dimensional and we are not a match. My profile clearly states that I am looking for someone to get to know me and build a relationship of trust. No you can't have another picture, you haven't earned my trust, you haven't even made an effort to get to know me or even explain why you are reaching out to someone in another state. I am not the one who should be leading the conversation, you reached out to me - you are supposed to be the dominant one".

Yes I know...A little lot over the top. It was an impulse reaction to a combination of others who had come before him, he just happened to be the one who got shot. Maybe it was the holidays, family, turkey or maybe I had just had enough bullshit. The world will never know how many bad responses it takes before this submissive just implodes. By the way he wrote back and apologized, I also apologized for over reacting.


  1. LOL OK I just HAD to do that ya know.

    Interesting though. Often I get the same kinds of replies; the very short four to six word sentences, and little if any effort, it seems put into those sentences.

    I do understand having a very brief, somewhat vague profile, just for safety's sake. But if a person has taken the time to contact or respond, well then for goodness sake, converse. LOL

  2. A brief perspective from the "other side of the fence". I have responded to a great many potential subs from various sites, but predominately CM, only to hear back from less than 10% of the responses. I feel your pain and angst (no pun intended), but to invest 15-20 minutes into a detailed in-depth response that you have less than a 10% chance of hearing back from simply becomes logistically impossible. I wish it were no so, just as a much as you. What you and I seek is extremely rare and remote. It simply comes down to a matter of "numbers", odds, statistics, etc.

    As always, much thanks for the insight.

  3. From what I hear, that is the problem with CM. I spent one night perusing it, and it looks kind of like a meat market. I admit it was just one night of looking, and I have heard that some couples have met there and had a good experience. I guess it just requires a lot of patience and weeding through the wanna-be's.


  4. I have to admit out of curiosity from some of the posts you have written I created a profile on CM and perused the people on there. It seems to swing both ways actually there are a good number of women on there that put up a profile with one sentence and I assume expect to get a response. Then again maybe they do, it is said there is someone for everyone out there somewhere so maybe they find those that write in one sentence one word relies.

  5. Interesting viewpoint anonymous. And I can see your point :)

    Butterfly - I'm sorry that the replies talk "at" you and not "to" you. I think there has got to be a nice, articulate Dom -maybe one that follows or reads your blog - out there seeking a great catch like you!

    Either way, I enjoy hearing about your trials online lol. I might be weeding through some replies of my own soon. Not excited at that prospect!!

    take care. Sky

  6. One of my favorite lines is to say I know the secret of connecting with women. My answer is simple -- I talk to them and listen to them. Let's hope you can find men willing to do that.


  7. Laughing... omg, i think i talked to both those Doms before. I swear.

    Good luck, good luck, good luck. Don't waste a lot of time, keep going.

    Have you looked in the "new" section for people that are local that you might be interested in? You probalby have, but i didn't for a long time, and that was where i found Sir X.



  8. Well, I never. I swear. I was only being friendly. LOL. Seriously though, I understand what you are saying. Its asshole like those guys who give the good guys like me a bad reputation plus make it even more difficult to even attempt to connect with someone else.

    I agree with the anonymous comment about the frustration with replying to many ads and not getting a response. And FD is right about the secret to connecting with women, hell with anyone in general.

    However, it seems when I do find one I connect with, they are either in Florida, or end up with some X.