Never too late

A reader is looking for some guidance to change his 23 yrs of (happy) vanilla marriage to a D's relationship. Now I know what you are thinking, 23 yrs WOW, why now?

Well why not, it's never too late to try something new! (cheering)

In his marriage he is the take charge husband, takes care of things that a man should. He is the breadwinner, pays all the bills, etc. he calls it the "natural order of things". (good start)

His sex life is tame but he suspects his wife might be interested in more - I say if that's the way he feels then she probably is and he should be confident in his decision to move forward.

What he is worried about is the 23 yrs of vanilla history - this is where I feel he needs to be confident and take charge of the relationship in the bedroom, moving it towards a D's relationship. Small steps are a good start, adding more each time. If you wife is submissive she will follow your lead down the path, confidence is key.

He's not interested in having an affair or play partner - bravo to him for wanting to try with his wife.

Everyone, young and old, have to start somewhere, so here is where you can help...

Please leave a comment or send me an email to pass along to him with information on books, sites or even just tips to help him begin his journey. I know there are a couple of readers who are married and have had success adding D's to their vanilla marriage, please share your blog address, specific posts that apply or any positive comments for him.

Thanks to all!


  1. Daddy and I have been married for over 26 years and this year, after being spanked, etc., I found blogs about what we were doing. I decided to write a blog about our M/s relationship. We have a tpe/ape relationship and our marriage has never been better.

    We had a great marriage before, but now it's fabulous and we've never been closer. I love it that he's my Master!


  2. Thanks Kitty -

  3. We had been married 15 years when i sent my husband a text asking him to no longer let me say no to him - in the bedroom anyhow. That grew over the past - almost three years now. For me, reading stories with elements of D/s led me to see what i craved - that i had never even imagined previously. That might be one way for him to introduce her to the ideas and see what specifically catches her attention - at least to start a conversation.

  4. He might ask her if she has any sexual fantasies she's been afraid to share...


  5. If he is looking for reading material, in my opinion one of the best books on the subject is The Loving Dominant, by John Warren.

    Other than that, I agree, small steps, just adding more and more control, taking more and more things for granted. Also, as beingaisha suggests, ask her about her fantasies, and then just make them happen.

    Good luck to your friend.


  6. There's a lot of people who have been married a long time transitioning from the Vanilla life. Such as Kitty. I myself is what most of you would call Vanilla, by D/s standards. If I had to be a label, I would say Gray. I enjoy being want ever I am, but I like change also. Some of us like yourself are just dominate and don't need the label. We aren't happy unless we are leading, but if you were raised like myself, I was raised to be the man of the house. But so was my father, but I will tell you this, he was not the dominate one in that house by no means... If someone was going to have a whip in their hand, it would not be him.... As dominate as I can be at times, I don't need someone to be completely submissive to me. That's the gray area. If you were to read a lot of the D/s blogs, you are going to see a lot of difference. You need to find out what you (and her) are comfortable with. And what you both really want. Some form of spice of life is what we all crave for. Find your corner and stand there. If you find you need more space, move on...

  7. On behalf of my reader thank you for your comments. Now the rest is up to him and if he is willing to take that next step.
    I wish him the best of luck.

  8. Much thanks to everyone for their kinds words, insight, advice, encouragement, etc. Thanks to Butterfly as well for making my situation the topic of one of her blogs.

    Just as she eluded to above, the rest is up to me. Happy New Year to everyone.

    Best regards,
    Intersted Anon Reader