Victim

I read this several hours ago, couldn't get to my computer and now I am trying to cook a late breakfast - multitasking, angry and hopped up on diet coke & chai tea, a great combination for a post. :)

A friend sent me a post from Her Spirit His, she wrote about how a man had taken advantage of her and she was embarrassed. She had given him money. (sigh - head shaking).

This is a topic which makes me angry because about 5 yrs ago I was with a man who turned out to be a con-man, a gambler. Now if you have never met a man like this then you don't know that he wins you over before he goes in for the kill. He lulls you into thinking that you are important to him, have a place in his heart. Then slowly over time he shares himself with you and since you believe you are in a relationship that is equal, you think nothing of giving him what he wants. All in all he took over $6000 from me, a single mother of two. I gave him everything, my heart, a place to live, became a mother to his sons and myself. In the end I kicked him out, packed all his stuff in garbage bags and put them on the curb. I also burned what ever I found later because it was better than the alternative of what I really wanted to do. Run him down with my car, slash all his tires, plaster his face on a billboard with a warning sign, have him taken care of in a dark alley...and anything else that I could think of.

I also had a friend who was on a dating site and was talking to a man. This man was very suave and had the perfect profile. Widowed, child, lived close but not to close, engineer, traveled for business, looking for love, etc. As a matter of fact he was abroad when they began talking. He lulled her in and then played the sob story card. His computer & wallet had been stolen and he was stranded abroad. He asked her for money. Thank goodness she had friends around her that told her that was a red flag, that somebody traveling on business would have other avenues to find a way home. Turns out this is a con-game played through the dating sites on lots of women. Someone tried to play it on me several times through a vanilla site but I was wise to them. Reported their profile and had it removed.

So when I say her post makes me angry, its men who take advantage of women that make me angry. No man should be asking for money from a woman...unless they are married.

Kat you shouldn't be embarrassed you should feel taken advantage of, you were a victim. I was a victim, I learned a very hard lesson but I have forgiven him and myself. So that I could move on with my life in a positive way.

I left his fate to Karma....Karma is a bitch that never forgets!

7 comments:

  1. This kind of abuse is far more common than anyone would like to admit. I've seen terrible abuses I wish I could forget.

    I knew a middle aged submissive woman who lost a total sum of more than $40,000 to a predatory monster who called himself a dominant Master.

    The so called "Master John" was a radio personality, with a silky syrupy hypnotic voice, and absolutely no ethics. They had an intense long distance relationship built around a couple of brief in person visits to stay with he and his life in slave.

    Master John kept promising the desperate sub lady that if she only helped him just a little more, he could complete his own home studio for recording, making more time for her instead of his commute.

    He got his studio.

    She lost her savings. Before it was done, she had even borrowed against her retirement to finance his building effort.

    When the studio was done, so was she!

    After she hit bottom, she was finally willing to ask friends for help. I helped as her Mentor. Setting out a path where she could pick up the pieces and set her life back into order.

    It wasn't easy for either of us. For the longest time, she still yearned for the sound of his voice, for the visions he might create in her head.

    I have limited patience for sheer stupidity, and it was hard to understand how anyone could have wanted this kind of abuse to continue.

    For karma's sake, I'd like to end this story on a slight high note, even if it's a dark one. After fortunes turned for "Master John" - as I believe they eventually do for abusive slime, he hit rock bottom and ended up performing the same degrading physical acts he'd required of his own slaves, including bestiality.

    Despite being a dominant, and a bit of a sadist, I'm not a cruel individual.

    So, I believe this is the only instance in my life where I've ever felt that this kind of severe twist of fate was justified. He really deserved worse than being prostituted to serve dirty old men, but the punishment does somehow fit the crime.

    Indeed, Karma really is a bitch that never forgets!

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  2. Thanks for posting this butterfly... I am sorry what you went through. It is amazing how the shame keeps us from talking about it, and I know it takes courage to speak up.

    Quoting you..
    "Now if you have never met a man like this then you don't know that he wins you over before he goes in for the kill. He lulls you into thinking that you are important to him, have a place in his heart. Then slowly over time he shares himself with you and since you believe you are in a relationship that is equal, you think nothing of giving him what he wants."

    Absolutely.. that is exactly true, To this day, I struggle with feeling in love with him. It's not simple at all. Sometimes I think he even believed the lies he told me. I know he can't be happy inside. Even though I'm moving on, I do want him to be ok. That might sound pathetic, but it's the truth.

    Anyhow, I thought it was important to be real about what went on, I do wish I could have done so sooner.

    Hugs to you too..

    K

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  3. I'm so sorry this happened to you, butterfly. And K, too.

    Love allows our good judgement to get clouded and we sometimes do things that we normally would never do.

    I am sure it was a very difficult time for you and even afterward - throwing him out etc but letting go of him and then the emotions you must have been feeling.

    You are a strong, independent woman. You will find a man who deserves you. One who doesn't ask you for money and allows you to lean on him, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

    This has made you a stronger person. I am proud to know you.

    Take care, Sky

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  4. Sadly there are a lot of people out there that take advantage of someone, both men and women.

    Time heals and makes one wiser. It doesn't make it right, not at all.

    I agree with you sbf, karma will get them in the end and it won't be pretty.

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  5. Sorry to hear sbf that you went through the same thing, a despicable moron. very brave of you to share this with us like K did. i am so glad that you have been able to move on, and yes revenge will be sweet when he gets his just reward!!!!

    Hugs
    blossom xx

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  6. Dear butterfly,

    It is true...Karma is a bitch. There will be many people you will be able to help due to your having had this bad experience, so perhaps just knowing that will help you and K in a small way. Sometimes things happen to us and we wonder why us. In terms of Karma, some say when bad things happen, it is getting rid of karma that was stored on the karma chain we carry from life to life *shrugs* (who really knows) But there is always a lesson to be learned in situations like these, and while the lesson can be painful...in time, they allow us to help others from having a similar experience.

    Food for thought *hugs*

    kitten{SirW}

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