Negotiations

A sub friend of mine is fishing in the vanilla pond. She is still caught between wanting to have someone but knowing she can never go back to vanilla. I understand, every so often I go there also. But I know that what I want won't be found there because I want it to be part of my life and not just a sexual encounter.

When she tries to explain to the men about D's, they just don't get it. Most of them reply "I can tie you up and spank you, no problem". Unfortunately no matter how good looking they are or how strong of a man they are they just don't get it. It's like seeing a really hot guy only to realize he's gay, you just know he will never be what you want.

She will figure it out eventually and I will probably through my line back in the pond at some point when I get frustrated.

One of the things I particularly love about this lifestyle is the honesty, I know I've said this before. This is a lifestyle that allows you to work out hard and soft limits and expectations before you commit, to a scene or a relationship. This isn't something I knew about when I first began my journey but after educating myself I now know I have a say before anything happens. I think that is one point that vanilla relationships could benefit from in their world. What if before they decided to commit to each other they both sat down and she said ok these are my limits and he said these are my expectations. Compromises were made on both sides but in the end an agreement was come to that they both could live with and growth on certain issues was agreed upon. I wonder if there would be as much divorce as there is today.

So I had a lunch date and I met someone. There was no instant connection but it was comfortable. Afterward we spoke about limits and expectations. He couldn't agree to my limits and I couldn't agree to his expectations of not respecting them. In the end we parted ways and there were no hard feelings.

Ok this is the part where I have to say...what is is about guys wanting to (oh my god) pee on a woman? LOL
I can honestly say that MAYBE in a trusted committed relationship I might be able too but not with someone right away. Things like that have to be built up to, complete trust and honesty have to be instilled before limits can be pushed.

At the same time I was talking with someone else but in the end he didn't believe I was submissive. lol Reminds me of those guys who would send me messages and say "call me now if you are really submissive" (yeah I'll get right on that). He felt I was more into kink than I was a submissive. I am not in the habit of trying to make someone accept me for who I am because that is why I chose this lifestyle in the first place, because people are accepting of me.

Next......

PS I added several links to leathernroses with tons of great information.

The Good Stuff

So my "friend" read my last post and asked me "What's with you and these guys?!?!  Are you just automatically attracted to losers?  Are losers attracted to you?  What is it?!?!  LOL!".

Ouch!?  He said he was trying to be funny. Really I don't post all my encounters on here, just the really outrageous ones. There are others that have passed through that weren't worth mentioning and some that were special and I choose to keep them to myself. You guys only get the really "special" ones and they usually turn out to be losers. Case in point, lol.

I looked this morning and I couldn't find the post but over the holiday this guy, who I never met and never spoke to in person, sent me an email. Mind you this hasn't been altered other than removing his name & phone number.

"Hi I like to wish you MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. I can't stop thinking about you, but I remember that you wanted to have a  DOMINANT man in your life, and I wonder if you ever found what you were looking for. I know that I can make you  a very  happy woman. I promise you  we  will click if you give it a try!!  A strong connection for good friendship and romantic relationship. if you are interested in a COMBINATION OF A ROOMMATE, LOVER,  AND YOUR BEST  FRIEND TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH. THAT WILL  PAMPER YOU AND TRULY LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. "

After the new year began he sent another, now I never answered the other one and when we originally corresponded I told him we weren't a match. It was the roommate part of his original email that I didn't want to have anything to do with. There is something about a guy who says he will relocate before he even gets to know you, kind of creepy.

"are really SUBMISSIVE mature woman  who still have a healthy sexual appetite, you really love  SEX  you definitely my kind of girl, then you need a real man who will respect you, and make a happy woman. I promise you  we  will clickif you give it a try!!   I would love to eat your sweet  PUSSY  suck  your nipples, and kiss you all over. with  A strong connection for good friendship and romantic relationship. if you are interested in a COMBINATION OF A ROOMMATE, LOVER,  AND YOUR BEST  FRIEND TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH,   we definitely should talk.  honestly I need only one honest woman like you. to share my life with.little about me, I am not perfect, I am divorced, retired, white male, honest, loyal, non smoker, no criminal record, disease free, very passionate, one woman man  with a heart of gold. who can offer a lot to one sincere woman. I am not interested in your weight or the size of your  BRA  or one night stand, just your personality. if you earn my trust, then you won my heart. because TRUST COMMUNICATION. COMPROMISE, and respect of each others opinion, is a must. for a companionship that based on total respect. if you really looking for decent man for a long term healthy monogamous relationship, not for a fling or one night stand  to truly love you. TALK TO ME.  (insert phone number)  let's get acquainted, you won't be disappointed. No games and No regrets

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. but A dream you dream together is reality."
We all have dreams and desires. Why shouldn't they become reality? By the way, it will feel right. only if we make it happened!"

Now come on, do you really think I could pass up sharing this gem, lol! These are the little things that make me giggle.


Taking care of business

Life has been busy and I haven't had much time for myself but I felt like I needed to write so here is a snippet of one of the guys that have come across my radar lately.

My girlfriend is on Match.com and she told me that this time she is going to at least make an effort. Every week she is going to email at least one man to let him know she is interested. I love my friend and I want her to find a companion that treats her well, she deserves it. So I thought what a great idea, now my first attempt didn't go well but you know when you fall down, get the f back up and try again.

Oh and I know that the anti-tattoo guy did me a favor by letting me know so early on. The reason I said rejected was because this was one of the first times I had initiated first contact - like on Star Trek, ha ha. So not to be deterred I saw a guy on FL and I initiated a conversation. Well I wouldn't say it was a conversation, I asked his opinion about where to get a tattoo (because he was local and had a picture of just his tattoo), he replied and then said "we have to talk". I flirted back, "did he want to talk about the weather, sports, politics?" He replied "funny" and I said "thank you." (waiting patiently for him to get to the point)

 He replied again with "we have to talk" and I said "well for a guy who wants to talk you haven't said much. I am a straight forward kind of gal please tell me what you want to talk about because I don't read minds :)" (my usual sassy self).

I should mention that on his profile he was looking for a slave and he liked some of the aspects of Gor, which I don't know a lot about.

Now this was his reply...

"ok that's one NEG all subs need to read minds LOL
I wanted to know more about what your into I saw your CM profile told me a bit more then here so what are you looking for and what are you into".

I get that question all the time, even though in my profile it says clearly I am looking for someone who wants to get to know me before they ask my sexual preferences (just funny that way). So I reply with what I am looking for, vanilla & D's blah blah blah. His reply "and".

I said, "well I'm not going to go into what I'm into but I will tell you that I'm not a slave I am a sub. Then I said that I had been rude and not asked him what he was looking for."

He wrote back "sorry i don't think your for me no place have I ask for sex or any sexual questions i didn't offer to play with you i did ask to know about you and what you were looking for and what you were into. maybe your not used to people like me REAL i had a 2 year D.s relationship and never had sex sex is a very small part if and of the lifestyle ............ anyway you didn't seem to read what I said you only saw what you wanted to ........ i truly hope you find what your looking for but i don't think it's me."

(scratching my head) My first thought is always that I messed up, so my brain went into analyze mode (wait am I ever out of analyze mode? lol). I went back and looked at the conversation because I thought maybe I had answered the question wrong or misread what he wrote... nope.

I think if I really had answered the question wrong he should have made it clearer. I think he was looking for a slave and I didn't fit that, which is alright just be a man and say that, don't blame me. Another one who did me a favor because clearly there were some communication issues.

Lesson learned here??? ask for clarification, stop talking about my damn tattoo, lol I don't know.
Just a girl taking care of business and trying to figure it all out.

PS I just got this ap for my phone called 7Words - super addicting!!

Rejected

After getting advice from RAD (rent a Dom) on what to say, I wrote to a guy whose picture and profile I had seen many times online. I thought he was handsome and seemed to have a good personality (from what you can tell from a profile).

So my RAD said "You might try a little humor, which I know you can do, a little about yourself and what caught your attention about him to make you want to send him a message.  Not too short, but not too long.  Just enough to catch his attention, give some preliminary information, and leave it in his court to reply, tell a bit about himself, and then you can begin to get more specific in further emails, if you both still are interested".

OK good advice, since I don't typically reach out to men. So I wrote a cute, not to long introduction (gaining a new respect for men who have to put together these first emails).

He wrote back immediately that he was interested, good. So I wrote back again and then I didn't hear from him which was strange but I didn't think to much about it. When I was checking my outgoing mail on CM I noticed that the email had been sent twice and one had a picture attached. A picture of a man I had never seen before. I contacted CM and I think my account was hacked - Ahhh!

So I wrote to the guy and explained the situation, apologized and gave him my personal email address. He was very understanding, blah blah blah. So in one of his emails he wrote that "he wasn't sure how he felt about my wanting a tattoo", (butterfly on the back of my neck, representing me as a submissive).

Well then, I told him and sent him, a picture of the one I already have on my ankle. I told him it represented me and my kids, something I did for myself. His response was "I don't know how I feel, I will have to think about it". REJECTED!!

I told him I understood and wished him luck with his search. I have to respect his feelings because I have been on the other end with guys who have a ton of tattoos.

RAD said, "Oh well, if he was that concerned about something little like that then he isn't for you anyway". My sub friend says "NEXT", lol!


Mania Monday

This is a departure from my usual type of posting. I have often thought about starting another blog just for this but then it goes away for a while and I forget, or I choose to forget.

There is someone close to me that suffers from bi-polar disorder.

Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes. The elevated moods are clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes, or symptoms, or a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time.These events are usually separated by periods of "normal" mood; but, in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, which is known as rapid cycling. Severe manic episodes can sometimes lead to such psychotic symptoms as delusions and hallucinations.

Monday was an afternoon/evening of hell because this person was also suffering from bronchitis and sinusitis at the same time. Now a normal person who gets sick isn't effected the way someone with BDD would be. The combination of being ill and BDD just throws them into overload. The great part is, you never know which way they are going to go, manic or mania. I should also mention just a couple of weeks ago, this person was playing fast and loose with their meds, a common practice for people who are diagnosed with mood disorders. One of the things mentioned during the episode was that they were tired of taking pills (any type of pills). 

Mania was the way this person was going, which to explain is the opposite of the depression side of things. Mania can be violent, non stop talking about a certain issue, crying, yelling, cursing (like turrets). This person became fixated on something and as the day progressed, just couldn't let it go. This is what happens and along with being fixated, they became paranoid and then cycled back and forth. High to low, back and forth.

Normally I am able to handle this person and I take what is said with a grain of salt because I know its the illness. But Monday it got to me. I was verbally abused beyond belief and it was a really tough day/evening. I felt like somebody had beat the shit out of me.

Now logically I know its not them and the things that are said are from the illness, but DAMN, who ever said words can't hurt - LIED.

So tonight this person apologized to me and we talked about a couple of things. That is the other thing, there is always an apology. It is brief and the person thinks that everything is fine and forgets about it. They don't understand why I want to talk about any of the particulars. They just want it done. It reminds me of when you have an argument with a man, they decide the argument is over and that is that....and the woman is left playing over and over in her mind.

Tonight this person showed up with the apology and full of happiness and light. The cycle is complete. Over until the next time. Now we will have a period of normal. It takes a toll on me each and every time. 

Not complaining just getting these thoughts out of my head so that I can leave it behind, like they did.