Mania Monday

This is a departure from my usual type of posting. I have often thought about starting another blog just for this but then it goes away for a while and I forget, or I choose to forget.

There is someone close to me that suffers from bi-polar disorder.

Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes. The elevated moods are clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes, or symptoms, or a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time.These events are usually separated by periods of "normal" mood; but, in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, which is known as rapid cycling. Severe manic episodes can sometimes lead to such psychotic symptoms as delusions and hallucinations.

Monday was an afternoon/evening of hell because this person was also suffering from bronchitis and sinusitis at the same time. Now a normal person who gets sick isn't effected the way someone with BDD would be. The combination of being ill and BDD just throws them into overload. The great part is, you never know which way they are going to go, manic or mania. I should also mention just a couple of weeks ago, this person was playing fast and loose with their meds, a common practice for people who are diagnosed with mood disorders. One of the things mentioned during the episode was that they were tired of taking pills (any type of pills). 

Mania was the way this person was going, which to explain is the opposite of the depression side of things. Mania can be violent, non stop talking about a certain issue, crying, yelling, cursing (like turrets). This person became fixated on something and as the day progressed, just couldn't let it go. This is what happens and along with being fixated, they became paranoid and then cycled back and forth. High to low, back and forth.

Normally I am able to handle this person and I take what is said with a grain of salt because I know its the illness. But Monday it got to me. I was verbally abused beyond belief and it was a really tough day/evening. I felt like somebody had beat the shit out of me.

Now logically I know its not them and the things that are said are from the illness, but DAMN, who ever said words can't hurt - LIED.

So tonight this person apologized to me and we talked about a couple of things. That is the other thing, there is always an apology. It is brief and the person thinks that everything is fine and forgets about it. They don't understand why I want to talk about any of the particulars. They just want it done. It reminds me of when you have an argument with a man, they decide the argument is over and that is that....and the woman is left playing over and over in her mind.

Tonight this person showed up with the apology and full of happiness and light. The cycle is complete. Over until the next time. Now we will have a period of normal. It takes a toll on me each and every time. 

Not complaining just getting these thoughts out of my head so that I can leave it behind, like they did.


  1. Just sending hugs...


  2. my neighbor was M/D...and when she went off her meds...i was her "safe house" when she went into Mania...she spent an entire day "living" in my unfinished cellar...

    i have no words of advice ... i do wonder, however, if this is a person who must be part of your life? (that sounds so fucking harsh, doesn't it?)

    But the wounding...the mental beating...those are some verrah hard things to deal with.

    if you lived with an abusive person, (as opposed to D/s...) you'd be counciled to leave, to find a safe sanctuary...

    just adding my 2 cents, sweety. They may not have any meaning to your situation, but know that i care...


  3. that can be hard to take all the time sbf because you are always there for them sometimes your feelings and forgiveness can just be taken for granted, and as long as they are okay again it should be for everyone else they hurt.

    but you know of their illness and you know that it isnt them but that doesnt help all the time.

    take care of you
    blossom x

  4. Yes, good to get those thoughts out of your head.


  5. Dear butterfly,

    Karma is a strange bird, isn't it? It has been said that the way someone acts towards us is their karma, while the way we react is ours. So what can be said for your taking someone's outbursts (whether they can help it or not) and not reacting negatively towards them...i'd say that it would be considered good karma for you to not react...that does not make it easy, even with the apology. SO, for those times that you 'take it': know that there are many people who feel your pain and support you in your tough times. When you do react, you must allow yourself moments of being one can be perfect all the time. The good outways the moments of losing control. It does not matter if this person recognizes how much of a sacrifice you make for them, the karma is built and will return to you 10-fold, so be proud of yourself for being a wonderful person to someone who has an illness *hugs*


  6. Sending you lots of warm hugs butterfly ;)

    Fondly. Sky