A sub friend of mine is fishing in the vanilla pond. She is still caught between wanting to have someone but knowing she can never go back to vanilla. I understand, every so often I go there also. But I know that what I want won't be found there because I want it to be part of my life and not just a sexual encounter.
When she tries to explain to the men about D's, they just don't get it. Most of them reply "I can tie you up and spank you, no problem". Unfortunately no matter how good looking they are or how strong of a man they are they just don't get it. It's like seeing a really hot guy only to realize he's gay, you just know he will never be what you want.
She will figure it out eventually and I will probably through my line back in the pond at some point when I get frustrated.
One of the things I particularly love about this lifestyle is the honesty, I know I've said this before. This is a lifestyle that allows you to work out hard and soft limits and expectations before you commit, to a scene or a relationship. This isn't something I knew about when I first began my journey but after educating myself I now know I have a say before anything happens. I think that is one point that vanilla relationships could benefit from in their world. What if before they decided to commit to each other they both sat down and she said ok these are my limits and he said these are my expectations. Compromises were made on both sides but in the end an agreement was come to that they both could live with and growth on certain issues was agreed upon. I wonder if there would be as much divorce as there is today.
So I had a lunch date and I met someone. There was no instant connection but it was comfortable. Afterward we spoke about limits and expectations. He couldn't agree to my limits and I couldn't agree to his expectations of not respecting them. In the end we parted ways and there were no hard feelings.
Ok this is the part where I have to say...what is is about guys wanting to (oh my god) pee on a woman? LOL
I can honestly say that MAYBE in a trusted committed relationship I might be able too but not with someone right away. Things like that have to be built up to, complete trust and honesty have to be instilled before limits can be pushed.
At the same time I was talking with someone else but in the end he didn't believe I was submissive. lol Reminds me of those guys who would send me messages and say "call me now if you are really submissive" (yeah I'll get right on that). He felt I was more into kink than I was a submissive. I am not in the habit of trying to make someone accept me for who I am because that is why I chose this lifestyle in the first place, because people are accepting of me.
PS I added several links to leathernroses with tons of great information.