I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am. I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits. I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits. I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me. I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected. I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model. I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance. I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You. Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
Copyright 1998, CastleRealm
What a girl worries about
There are (at least) two kinds of problem that bother the submissive girl. On the one hand there is the worry that she is not submissive enough. However much she gives, she fears he still wants more, and she begins to wonder if she can ever give all that he demands. Some days she wakes up and she doesn’t feel that submissive, doesn’t know if this is really what she wants after all. Then (hopefully) the submissive feelings come rushing back and she remembers where her true satisfaction lies. Even so, there are things she’s never done before, never even thought about, but things which he’s talked about and seems intent on to trying, and she doesn’t know if she can. She dreads being a failure.
And then there is a quite opposite set of worries. What if she is too submissive? A dom might think, how is this possible? Surely he wants her to be just as submissive as she can be. The more she can take, the better he likes it. But what she worries about is, if she simply lets him do exactly as he pleases, never offers the slightest resistance but soaks up everything that is thrown at her, won’t he get bored with her? She thinks maybe the dom enjoys a challenge, a girl who needs to be enticed, coaxed, manoeuvred or even ‘forced’ into doing what he wants. She thinks if she makes it too easy and never fights against his dominance he may lose interest. He doesn’t want a doormat, she surmises; perhaps he’s even said as much. She embraces her submission with open arms; but would he not prefer it if she were a bit skittish, not quite tamed, not too predictable?
-Sexual Dynamics Memoirs of a Disconcerting Dom
My promise to you…
To honor and respect you, as my dominant and Master to serve your heart, mind, body and soul to trust you to always do what is best for me…mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically to obey always, to serve you, in any way you choose to keep open and honest communication with you to be open about my feelings to prevent resentment to offer my shoulder at times when you may need it to respect your need for time and space alone to not question when that time is needed to cherish each gesture with the love with which it was given to understand you are human, have flaws, and not fault you for them and last, to kneel at your feet and love you with all that I am.
I desire from you…to have your honesty in all things to have respect for me and show in all things to have respect for me and show it in all things to have your assurance that my wellbeing is your first priority to meet my needs through communication, attention, caring and support to listen when I talk with you, to offer me a time when talks can occur without interruption to share ideas and thoughts about our relationship to challenge my desires and help me grow to know my submission is only as strong as the nurturing I receive to allow me to complete what tasks are set before me to offer time for us to discuss your feelings and needs to correct my mistakes so that I may learn to praise my actions when they please to cherish my submission as I cherish your Dominance to remember, words should be shared in love not anger to present your side without accusations but with concerns and last that you nurture, guide and love me with all that you are.
Surrender Author: PAELUS
Trust Me with your heart.
Surrender Author: PAELUS
Trust Me with your heart.
Place it in My hands,
To crush or caress.
Trust that I will not hurt you.
Give it to Me because you desire Me to possess it,
Not because it is My will.
Trust Me with your mind.
Place it in My hands, also,
To destroy or reshape.
Trust Me to mold it according to your needs
Not simply to suit My own purposes.
Trust Me with your body.
It too, place in My hands.
Mine, to batter or protect.
Trust Me to keep you safe
And to provide for you that which is needed
to ensure your happiness.
Trust Me with your very soul.
Place it in My hands, as well.
Lay it bare before Me, vulnerable to My will.
Trust that I will guide you safely through the darkness
protecting your interests at all times,
regardless of My desires.
Above all, trust Me with your complete and total surrender.
Trust that I will honor and cherish
your submission to Me.
Trust that I will not abuse this gift
That you so lovingly give to Me.
The "Surrendered Wives" six basic principles:
a wife relinquishes control of her husband's life
she respects his decisions for his life
she practices good self-care (she does at least three things a day for her own enjoyment)
she also practices receiving compliments and gifts graciously
she practices expressing gratitude (thanking her husband for the things he does)
a surrendered wife is not afraid to show her vulnerability and take the feminine approach